Empowerment For Women Archives - Page 4 of 5

Let Go Of Trying To Be Perfect, It’s Boring

Let Go Of Trying To Be Perfect, It's Boring

What kind of a reaction do you have when you read this?

What a stupid thing to say
I don't understand what she is saying
I like to be perfect
Hmm, never thought about it

Perfection is a strange thing, in some ways it might be good, but for most people it actually is a hindrance to get into action. Let's say you know you need to get something done and it is important, but you procrastinate and procrastinate…………..

If someone asks you why you have not done it, you say

I want to get it right
there is something missing
It's not the right time
I have to learn this and that first

And on it goes listening to the voice in our heads, that keeps us from taking action or completing things.

BECAUSE………..IT'S NEVER GOOD ENOUGH

I remember when I started learning about social media: one task was to set up Twitter and send out a tweet. I was in pure terror thinking that everybody out there in Twitter cyberspace would just wait for my 140 character tweet and scream: Look at Marita, it's so stupid what she is saying.

That was 5 Years ago, I am happy to report that I am not afraid to put myself out there anymore. Now I write articles, post on all social media, create silly videos and publish them on youtube. Nothing is perfect, but people have fun with it. I learened to overcome my perfection and life is a lot more fun and adventurous.

When was the last time you had fun with something "perfect"? Ok, professionals have to strive to do a perfect job, but I'm talking about a different kind of perfectionism. If you are a mechanic, a surgeon, a pilot or a book keeper, it's good to not make mistakes :–)

But in other areas it's good to lighten up and have fun, be creative, be playfull and enjoy the process.

There is a type of perfectionism that's listed as a mental disorder, psychiatrists call it maladaptive perfectionists. These people need to be the best at everything, and if they make a mistake, it’s a crisis. It’s also not just about how they perceive themselves, but about how others perceive them: they believe they will lose the respect of friends and colleagues if they fail. They have to hit all their marks all the time. Their need for perfectionism can sabotage their own success. What a sad life!

Below a quote by Anne Lamott about perfectionism.

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
Anne Lamott

What do you think about about perfectionism?

Sometimes We Need To Say No

Sometimes We need To Say No

Women have a hard time to say no, mothers have a very hard time to say no.

Why is it so difficult?

We want to avoid conflict
We want to be nice
We have a good heart
We want to fit in

For me "no" is one of the hardest words, but the good news is: it can be learned, like anything else that's new. First it feels uncomfortable, but it gets easier the more we practice it.

How to do it!

Have you heard that it takes 21 days to learn a new habit?

For 21 days say "no" whenever you know that you do not want to do something. Make it a practice just for the heck of it! Empower your life by saying no. You have to be ok with the feeling of unease in your body until you get used to it. This is tip #1 when trying to learn new behavior, do not let it scare you away, it's a normal reaction of the body.
Be with the feeling of discomfort
Be aware and take the time to pause every time someone asks you for something. No exeption, you just say: Let me think about it or: I will let you know tomorrow, giving you enough time to sit with it. You can feel it in your body, if you do not want to do it, it might be a heavy feeling of unease in your abdomen.
Pay attention to your body, it's empowering to know how your body reacts.

I always admire people who are determined and tough, who know what they want and do what they say, but that's not me. I am so compassionate that I always want to help everybody, even if I do not have the time or energy to do so. One would say that there is nothing wrong with this, but if you do too much of it, especiallly for people who take advatage of you, you get resentful and that is not a very empowered place to be.

We are in integrity when we feel good about our actions.

Below some quotes about saying "no"

“…there are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don't really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.” Elaine St.James

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“No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "No".
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” Susan Gregg
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“Buy yourself some time. Interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options.” Auliq Ice
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“Being unable to say no can make you exhausted, stressed and irritable.” Auliq Ice

So just for this week practice to say no and let me know how it worked, leave a comment below 🙂

Believe In Your Potential

Believe In Your Potential

I love this quote by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

So what exactly does this mean and how can you believe in your potential?

For the people who are familiar with the law of attraction and spirituality this is easy to understand. For all others it might not make any sense. So if it does not make sense to you, don't worry, it's hard to understand and it might take some time, it's ok.

Continue reading “Believe In Your Potential”

How To Empower Your Life

The word empowerment sounds like a very important word. But that's not the case. Just taking care of your needs is a healthy start. I made a list of simple things that will empower your life without getting into overwhelm.

Eat the right foods,
Read something inspiring
Drink enough water,
Get enough sleep,
Make sure you have fun
Take some time off for yourself
Enjoy a bubble bath
Exercise

Walks in nature, are relaxing and rejuvenating, if you feel bad, or stressed. Just go for a walk and try to enjoy nature without thinking about problems or whatever is wrong in your life. Nature can be a savior, the wind the sun, the rain, the trees, the ocean can replenish the well.

Meditation is also helpful, it gives you the moment to step back and create more awareness over when to react or not to react. It's empowering, to be in charge of your reactions. So instead of flipping off the rude driver in front of you, or the encounter with an unfriendly person in the store, you just take a deep breath and let it go, this is mindfulness in action. Congratulations you just empowered yourself:-)

Set boundaries with other people, know what you want and what you need. If you can be true to yourself you do not have to feel upset or feel victimized. Try and do the things you love to do, nourish your spirit, take time to play and have fun. Surround yourself with people who have the same interests and who inspire you. It is very hard to be empowered and motivated if you are surrounded by negative people, or people who do not want to get off their behinds. It's a downer, stay away from them!

Forgive more: remember the quote: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? It feels so much better to forgive than to be angry and resentful. In 12 step programs they call resentments: "The poison that you drink but want somebody else to die" Not good indeed. So if you forgive you can be happy and everything else does not matter, even if somebody did something terrible to you, forgiveness will make you feel better. Again, you just empowered your life.

Say what you mean and do what you say. Be in integrity, dont' lie, don't say you will do something and then you don't do it, it will make you feel good about yourself.

Feel your feelings, do not avoid them and drink, work, smoke, control or find other ways to avoid your feelings, they will get you anyay. You might as well feel them now and get it over with. I know it does not sound like fun, but feelings need to be acknowledged and they will persist and knock on the door until we listen. They are like entities inside ourselves that want to be heard.

Try to not complain, complaining sucks your energy like nothing else. Empower your life by taking responsiblilty for your life and your actions. This is a big one. Every complaint is a way to not take responsibility.

If you have other little ways to empower your life, please share it with us and leave a comment.

Why Acceptance Is So Important

Why Acceptance Is So Important

Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices. Paul Tournier

I love acceptance, it's one of the most important steps I can take in order to heal my life. It has not always been that way, there were times when I did not want to accept anything that was not to my liking. Life was painful then, to say the least.

Not wanting to accept things is like fighting reality. Fighting reality is painful. Acceptance is a huge part in 12 step programs. The serenity prayer says it all: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Continue reading “Why Acceptance Is So Important”

Empower Yourself – Eat Healthy Foods and Exercise

Empower Yourself – Eat Healthy Foods and Exercise

The most common problem for women, especially women over 40, is to be out of shape, weigh too much and have no time. Most women are on double duty: Working, taking care of kids, taking care of husbands and households. No wonder it's daunting to find the time to exercise and pamper ourselves.

It's hard to change from taking care of others to making time and taking care of ourselves. It's challenging to step out of the old patterns and know where to start and how to change. I know, I've been there.

After my children were born I gained about 40 pounds and never got rid of the extra weight until I was 49. It just crept up and I had to get to the point where I was miserable, I did not feel good in my skin, I did not feel attractive, I got resentful. My marriage of 30 years failed and life was a huge mess. My children were teenagers at the time and instead of having a mom who was confident, fun and happy, I was depressed, controlling and in bad shape.

Eventually I started participating in support groups for women, immersed myself into self help books, learned who I am and what I need. So eventually, after hearing one too many times that I can only change if I take some action steps, I signed up for the gym. This step took some courage, but once I started I stuck with it. My diet changed, no more french bread, no more brie, no more roast and gravies, very little pasta and no more alcohol. I replace the white bread with coarse german ryebread, I added more steamed vegetables and salad to my diet and reduced my portions. The weight just kept dropping and I started feeling better and better, I bought new clothes and yes, I even looked good in a bikini!

Now 9 years later, I still look pretty good, but my exercise routine is getting old, my metabolism is changing, my favorite pants are getting too tight and there is a fair amount of flab bulging over my pants. I thought it's time to do something, but did not get into action, until a friend of mine introduced me to Visalus and the 90 day challenge. This sparked my interest, I signed up for the challenge and received the shakes and supplements a few days later. I had to publicly announce my goals on social media and keep track of my progress on the website., that was kind of hard but I did it, it helped me be more accountable.

Wow, how empowering that was, to see all these people comitted to fitness and living a healthier lifestyle, I was on fire. I signed up with a trainer and now I am learning that I have to change my routine around a little bit in order to have the disired effect. Some people told me that flabby upper arms are part of getting old, but my trainer said no, if I do the right exercises I will have tight arms in a few weeks, whohooo.

I only wanted to lose 5 pounds, but the main challenge will be to replace the flab with muscles. I know I will be there by the end of the 90 days. I lost 3 of the 5 pounds already, so now I am going from replacing 2 meals a day with shakes, to just replacing one. It is totally inspiring to do this in a team with others.

I want you to be a part of this too. I want YOU to believe that you can do it, there is not I can't, there is only I don't want:-) I am where I am because somebody else helped me to believe in myself.

Below the links to Marita's personal challenge videos:

Video 1 90 day challenge, please excuse the not so perfect quality 🙂

Video 2 Day 21 of Marita's 90 day challenge

Video 3 Day 35 of Marita's challenge

Check out the challenge by Visalus by clicking here

Are you ready for a challenge? Let me know

Fear Is Paralyzing – Acting In Spite Of Fear Is Empowering

Fear Is Paralizing -Acting In Spite Of Fear Is Empowering

The places that scare us are all the old patterns, fears, emotions, memories, all the things that are too painful to look at. We stuff them away into deep drawers in our mind, close the door and pretend none of them exist. But they keep haunting us until we are willing to peek at them.

Well I have decided to open the door and say hello to my fears and my resistence. Why am I doing this right now, you might ask?

Because I know that if I don't face my fears and if I keep resisting change

I cannot be happy
I will not be able to achieve my life dreams
I cannot express my creativity

Yes, change is uncomfortable, but the only way to live a creative, fun life is to go to the unknown and overcome our fears. I know, I had to go there several times in my life and I did not volunteer to do it.

But now I'm actually enjoying the feeling between total excitement and fear. All the times that I dared were the best times in my life. Those times taught me to be confident and to trust the process of life. It's empowering to go to the places that scare us and the more we do it, the more we empower our lives. I just made a major decision, to make a huge change in my life.

It took me years to finally be ok with it and start telling friends and family about it. Since I made up my mind I don't feel stuck anymore, I feel free and excited. Yes of course there are moments of doubt when panic sets in, but I have tools to calm down the fear. For example as soon as I get scared, I do one of the following things.

Meditation
Go for a walk and breathe deeply
Listen to an uplifting audio program
Call my coach
Say affirmations
Talk to a supportive friend

It's empowering to feel the freedom by just doing "something." Making a decision, any decision is good, you don't even have to make the "right" one. Just do it and don't focus on the outcome, this will liberate your spirit.

To let go of the safety net, is to live life to the fullest.

Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation. I have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins.
Charles Stanley

How do you keep your fear in check? Please leave a comment and let me know.

How To Be Sane In An Unsane World

How To Be Sane In An Unsane World

Unfortunately, there is very little we can do about the state of the world, but there is a lot we can do about our attitude. If we practice to be more sane, more patient, more authentic, happier, healthier etc. it would make a huge difference for the people around us and it will help to create a better world.

Remember what Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s that simple and yet so hard. This story had a great impact on me: Gandhi was approached by a mother who told him her son was addicted to sugar and she wanted him to stop. She asked Gandhi what to do.

Gandhi said to come back in 3 weeks. The women did not understand and asked him why he wanted her to come back in 3 weeks. He answered: I like to eat sweets myself, so in order to give advice, I have to stop eating sweets myself.” Great story!

Why is it so hard to change?

We have no energy, we feel unhappy, we are resentful, but we still do not want to change. We think about it, talk about it, but that might be it, going around and around in circles.

New feels uncomfortable
It is scary
We don’t want to do it
People around us do not want us to change

Enough of the problem, now what is the solution?

One solution is to engage in things that make you feel good, take some time out every week and make a date with yourself to do something fun and have pure playtime. We can learn to detach with love from people in our environment who are whiners, complainers and “crazy makers”. I love the book the “Artist Way.” Julia Cameron, the author dedicated a whole chapter to the “crazy makers” in our lives: the children, the parents, the husbands, the friends, the extended family members, the bosses, colleagues.

The people who suck your energy and make you feel bad, for whatever reason. But you can learn how to respond to them. You don’t have to give them what they want, you have a choice to say no and they actually feel better too if you keep up your boundaries, although they might not admit this. Everybody deserves sanity, peace and happiness.

One way to do it is by being aware and always giving yourself the space to ask:

Is this really what I want to do right now?

It will give you power and you will feel good about yourself if you try and respond from a place of detachment. Practice it for a week and see how it goes, get a journal and keep track of your reactions, it’s fun and it will help you feel sane

What to Do When Life Gets Challenging

Sometimes everything goes wrong, people leave us, appliances break down, cars break down, accidents happen, people don't do what you want them to do….. and on it goes.

One way would be to run away, (or we could) but that would not work. So what can be done? A change of attitude can make a huge difference and it will empower your life.

For example you cannot change the fact that something broke, but you can let go of being upset about it and focus on the solution: What can you do to fix it, yes it might cost money, it might cost time, but nothing changes the fact that it is broken, it is what it is. The sooner you stop focusing on the problem the faster you will feel better. It's a change in attitude that will make the difference.

Do you know people who keep obsessing about "the problem" for a long time? They talk about it to everybody they know and the energy gets bigger and bigger and the problem too. It totally depletes the energy reserves.

One way to stop it is to become aware of the fact and just stop and breathe in and out, it will shift the energy instantly. Sure it takes some practice to get there, but especially with a regular meditation practice it will become a habit very soon, if that is what you want.

Some tips that will help you

Focus on what is working
Nurture yourself
Be grateful for what you have
Don't give up

These are simple things to do and they will help you to feel better. Create some simple cards with positive words to remind you of good things and remember this too shall pass. It always does, you just have to go with the flow and do the best you can. One other thing that works great is to set reminders on your phone with positive messages a few times a day, they will make you smile. It's also a great time to make a vision board, which will help you focus on what you want and empower your life.

Try some of these tips and let me know how they work:-)

Bring More Creativity And Play Into Your Life

Why is it important to play?

Our spirit loves to play and if we want to be guided and listen to our intuition, we need to be more playful. Unfortunately we were not taught to play, we learned to memorize and do as we were taught, we might even think of play as “frivolous”.
The other reason is: life is more fun. To be playful is to be creative, to be innovative, to be more adventurous, to be present, to be in the zone, to enjoy life to the fullest.

Routine is a killer to creativity and unfortunately most of us are run by our routines. I would even say that everything beyond the routine is outside of our comfort zone and feels kind of scary.

But with a little bit of awareness we can move beyond the discomfort and try something new. Why not finally take this new dance class, Italian cooking, or maybe go to a meet up group and get together with some new people who share the same interests. You will be surprised how good it feels.

Every time I do something beyond the routine. I just want to jump around and sing, that’s how good it feels. I like to go to the hots springs for a few days, or even simple little things, like going to a museum, a bookstore or a new coffee shop can be refreshing.

Local colleges are a great source of inspiration, they offer so many great classes, there is something for everybody. Sports, Art, culture, spirituality, you name it, they will offer something for you.

Do yourself a favor play more, and inspire people around you to do the same.

Watch this great video by Steve Keil: A Manifesto for Play