Tag: focus on solutions

How to let go of Frustration

How to let go of frustration

How to let go of Frustration.

Hello I hope you are well…or did you land here because you are frustrated? Look at my picture that´s how I feel! Steaming of anger and frustration. Today, I’m writing this post because I am totally frustrated 🙂

The funny thing is that I was not planning to write a post about frustration… but let me tell you first what happened. This will prove that the energy of frustration can be turned into something creative.

This morning I went to a coffeeshop to write. First I ordered a lovely cappuccino, sat down, opened my E-Mail and downloaded a document. All was well, until… I cannot open the document, play around for 15 minutes and still can´t do it. So what happens:

  • Frustrations sets in.
  • Body gets tense,
  • Mind gets tense, telling me all kinds of not very kind things.

For example: why did my friend sent me this document in a format that I can´t open with my adobe reader. This cannot be happening, I just want to write, be creative and finish a blogpost. All I´m doing is trying to read this freaking file. Scene: Tension is building, anger is creeping up, can you relate?

Now my mindfulness sets in  quietly reasoning : Marita please calm down, it´s just another challenge, take a deep breath and let it go. You can just let go of trying to open the document right now and start writing your post.

Ah, idea is popping up! I will write a blogpost about frustration. Exactly describing my feelings and how I can transform them, that´s fun. Good plan…feeling much better already. My tense face, is turning into a smile, my shallow breathing is turning into a deep belly breath and life is peaceful and fun again.

What exactly did I do to let go of the frustration? 

  • I was conscious or mindful about what was going on in my mind and body.
  • I thought about one practical thing to that would solve the problem. 
  • I started to talk to myself in a kind way and calm myself down.
  • I focused on my breathing and deepened it.

The practical thing I did was: I sent an e mail to my friend and asked her to paste the text into a new e mail. Problem solved. Frustration is such a powerful feeling, it comes up a lot and it can spoil the mood and wreck the day. Not only for you but also for everybody who comes in contact with you. Normally if the feeling gets suppressed, it will try to find a way to explode.

For example the next person you talk to might say one thing that upsets you and wow an explosion of unkind words might be unloaded on that person. The result is that you get to feel bad about yourself. All this can be avoided by being conscious about what´s going on inside of you.

What I learned from Human Design in regards to frustration.

 I´ve been studying Human Design for a few years.  As a generator, which is one of the 4 energy types in Human Design, I learned that I get frustrated whenever I do not respond correctly to a prompt from the outside, my intuition or gut feeling.

So now whenever I get frustrated, I know that I need to take a deep breath, go for a walk, or meditate. Do something that brings me back to myself. It´s a very simple practice that has changed my life. What are your thoughts about frustration?

Perfectionism Kills Creativity

perfectionism kills creativity

 

Perfectionism Kills Creativity

Do you have a problem with perfectionism?

  • How does it show up?
  • How does it make you feel?
  • Does it prevent you from doing what needs to get done?

After participating in lots of human potential groups, reading hundreds of book and taking many classes, I allow myself to say that perfectionism is a huge problem, effecting millions of people. What's your opinion?

A long time ago YOU might have started to try and be perfect, because YOU wanted to please your parents when you were a kid. Maybe YOU thought YOU will only be loved if YOU do everything right. YOU might  have been ridiculed and then continued the thread of perfectionism through our life.

Now why is perfectionism a problem?

  • Keeps YOU from taking action, because everything has to be perfect
  • Cannot love and accept yourself the way YOU are
  • Creates seperation between YOU and others
  • Prevents YOU from being in the flow
  • Never happy with what YOU do or say
  • Tendency to be uptight and judgemental
  • Prevents you from enjoying YOUR life
  • Zapps YOUR energy
  • Kills YOUR creativity

 Do any of those items apply to you?

If so, do not despair, the good news is: YOU are not alone and YOU can let go of it. The desire to do everything right can be positive to some degree, if it helps YOU to do something well. But if it freezes you to take action, or if YOU can't enjoy YOUR life, it's a hindrance.

How can perfectionism be dropped?

One of my mentors says: It's better to perform mediocre actions and DO things, than to be perfect and NOT DO things. The other great quote is: "progress is better than perfection."

If you have a dream for your life and you need to perform certain actions, but don't do anything because of the fear to not do it right…. you have a problem. YOUR dream will have to wait and maybe wait forever. If you are ok with that fine, if not something needs to be done. Do YOU agree?

For example…. a lot of people want to use videos to market their businesses and get their message out there, but they don't do it, because they don't like the way they look, how they talk, or they have the excuse that they don't have the technical knowledge. Not none of them is a good excuse and I used all of them until………………..

I had this struggle myself, let me tell YOU about it 🙂

Part of my business plan was, to create videos in order to be visible online, to have a chance for people to get to know me and to be known for what I do. The problem was: I had no clue how to do it, felt very insecure about the way I looked, the sound of my voice and in addition to that, I did not have the techical know how…….big problem!

After a while I was getting tired of telling my coach that I had not done it. So the desire to do it and to be accountable to my coach made me get over the resistance and fear.

I had a cheap little MINO HD camera and a tutor at the local college helped me with the techical aspects of how to record and how to do "idiot proof" editing with "life movie maker", an editing program that comes with windows. I still had fear but now the desire and the personal support made me actually do it….Wow what a relief.

I got a simple $30 tripod at Best Buys and started recording when I I created my vision boards and guess what… I actually had major fun doing it. I made sure I had kind of a nice background, I put some makeup on to have color in my face and then I just did it.

The editing was fairly easy to do. I learned how to cut pieces together, to add text and how to blend the different cuts together. It was super simple. The last step would be to save it and upload to YouTube and that was it. I was proud of myself, because I acted in spite of fear.

Every time you get over a fear or resistance, YOU empower yourself and you can overcome YOUR perfectionism one step at a time.

Here some more tips:

Detach from the result

Some things need to be done and there is no way around them, but  YOU can make it about the action and not the result, YOU can just enjoy what you're doing, make it creative. Be curious about turning it into a playful activity that you love to perform. This might not change the task but it will make it possible to have fun with it and actually enjoy what YOU do.

Prioritize

When you have a project ahead of you, make a list of all the items that need to be done, then determine the order of how important they are and make a list of people who YOU could ask for help. If it all gets to be too much, drop the items at the end of the list. For example if you have to organize a party,  it's better to have fun with your guest than to have the perfect decor or food. Always ask yourself what are the most important essentials in order to enjoy this.

Don't take yourself so seriously

Have you noticed that when YOU struggle and try to be perfect YOU can't have fun. When others are light, playful and creative, YOU might judge them for being so, but in the back of your mind YOU would like to be light and quirky yourself. Try to notice when you get annoyed with others who have fun and look into it……… Normally whatever annoys us in others is something we do not allow ourselves.

So now I would like to invite YOU to be willing to add more fun to YOUR life, make it playful, enjoy it!  When YOU are at the end of your days, it might not be important how perfect everything was, but how much you enjoyed your days, other people and yourself 🙂

My dear friends, do you have any tips about how to drop perfectionism? Please leave a comment, it helps to get some more ideas and practical tips.

 

Do You Suffer From Confusion?

do you suffer from confusion?

Do You Suffer From Confusion?

Confusion is a success killer.  Have you heard the quote: confused minds don't buy? Even worse; confused minds don't do anything. In order to be successful and move forward with YOUR dreams and desires, YOU first must have clarity about what it is that YOU want.

Some definitions of confusion:

  • Uncertainty about what is happening, intended, or required.
  • The state of being bewildered or unclear in one's mind about something.
  • A symptom that makes you feel as if you cannot think clearly. You might feel disoriented and have a hard time focusing.

Confusion does not feel good, it makes you feel stuck and not able to move forward. Just to clarify we are NOT talking about confusion, connected with alzheimers and age related dementia, we are talking about temporary confusion.

Where does confusion come from?

For a normal human being, confusion is a temporary intellectual and or, emotional CONDITION. Where one is torn between different choices, or facts
and a resolution cannot be found at the moment.

This creates an inner conflict which arises because one cannot understand what's going on and does not know what's the next  best thing to do.

This condition can arise on many levels. It can occur regarding everything from a harmless not being able to decide which menu item to order, which item to buy or, to the most important  life-issues.

Do you want to leave a relationship or not,  quit a job or not, commit to something or not. All this is normally  preceeded by confusion.

The most important action one can take, will be to just accept the fact that you feel this way. This might sound too simple to be true and I hate to say it,  yes it is. By accepting the fact that you are confused and stuck you release the conflict, or resistance which is stuck  in your energy field.

This makes it possible for new creative energy to come to you, in form of intuitive ideas or subtle hints, about what would be a good choice to make. Now this is not an intellectual process, it's very intuitive. 

One activity that will help is to meditate and get centered.  Walks in nature and exercise are also great. Have you noticed that sometimes solutions come to you when you are relaxed and not looking for them?

It's normally hard to remember something, when you force yourself to come up with it. But when you let it go and say, ok, it will come later, it normally floats into your conscious mind. This is a great example for the process.

So practice with easy items and see if they come to you after you let go of trying to remember them. Then go to more important items and try and write them down. Journaling is always good, it helps to create more awareness and whenever you go through something similar you can look up your notes about it.

Also, when you have difficulties to decide on what to order in a restaurant, try and practice to make a choice right away without agonizing over it. Remember it really does not matter to make the perfect choice, you just want to make a choice.

With all these little actionsteps, you are practicing new behaviors. The NEW is always kind of uncomfortable, even scary, but it's the only way to get out of these patterns.

Fear always plays a role when we are confused, we are afraid to change something in life, because we do not know how it will work out and uncertainty produces fear.

But nothing in life is certain, we might have everything worked out and the next day we find out we have a desease, our partner leaves us, we have an accident and so on. So it's a good practice to trust the universe that everything will work out for the best of all concerned.

Here a simple relaxation meditation, I just learned from a brain expert.

Take a deep breath in, when you breathe out say your name, repeat this several times.

 

 Did this help? Please let me know and leave a comment

 

How To Bring The Spirit Of Play Into Your Life

How to bring the spirit of play into your life

How To Bring The Spirit Of Play Into Your Life

Have you noticed that when you have fun at work or play, life is lot more enjoyable, playful and adventurous?

Wouldn't it be great to bring fun to all the chores you have to do, the work that needs to get done, the jobs you have to go to. The approach is to turn everything, you don't like into something you do like. Yes it might require to make things up, or to pretend a little bit, but that's ok. 

Do you agree that YOU could be a lot happier as a result?

The problem is that most of us from the industrial generation did not learn to have fun at work or in life. We learned that everything needs to be worked at and that making money, or working has to be hard.  Nobody mentioned that it could be fun. Life was supposed to be hard and that reflected in everything we did. These were my messages when I grew up.

  • Artists always struggle
  • Work is hard
  • You must work hard for you money
  • People with lots of money must be crooks
  • Work is no fun
  • You must be practial

On it goes, have you heard these phrases? I made an experiment a few years back when I hated my business and my 1 hour commute. I knew there was nothing I could do at this time to change my work. There was also nothing I could do about the commute. So to constantly complain and resist reality made me suffer and was a  waste of energy. All of a sudden I had the thought:  what if I accept this as a fact and try to enjoy everything as best I can….. Well this was an interesting new approach and worth a try.

How did I transform my thinking?

I got great audios to listen to, which made the commute pleasurable and every day when I woke up, I said to myself "I am so happy I have this business and all these wonderful clients who are happy with my work. I am grateful for my employees, who like me and help me do whatever needs to be done and I can totally trust them. How lucky I am that I have this wonderful business."

Every client who called or came in was offered a silent prayer and was thanked for being so kind and for inquiring about my services and for being wonderful. (I was the only one who knew this). It was interesting that as soon as my attitude changed and I stopped complaining about it, I actually started liking my work.

Not only that the clients who came in were more considerate, but everything was more pleasant and less stressful, including me. This was my first awareness how positive thinking could change my reality, how people behave, how I feel and of course, I attracted more clients because I was cheerful, confident and happy. More clients meant more sales and more revenue. I was on the first step of a wonderful transformation of myself and the life arround me.

This process is ongoing and will last forever. It's a practice of mindfulness, or awareness that never stops, but it's a magical and fun ride. Do YOU have things in YOUR life that YOU don't like but cannot change right now?  Try this approach and I promise the results will be transformative. Life is a lot more fun when YOU are content, happy and fulfilled.  Everything feels so much better when YOU are grateful for what you have rather than to complain about what YOU don't have.

Bring more fun into life and create the life of your dreams by

  • Turning everything into a game
  • Looking at everything from the bright side
  • Find creative ways to do things
  • Inspire others to do the same

Have you tried this practice? If the answer is YES,  please leave a comment and if NO please leave a comment. Both will help others. wishing YOU a wonderful mindful week.

"When you change, the world around you changes"

How We Can Accept Getting Old

 

how we can acceot getting old

How We Can Accept Getting Old

Can you do it or can't you do it? This is a very personal subject for most women and there are many different ideas about aging. Some people like the approach of denial and postponing the visual effects of aging with facelifts, all kinds of surgeries and treatment,  which is totally fine.

But eventually there is no escape and as my every day practice in life is acceptance, I thought for myself it would be a good idea to come to terms with some of the effects of aging, like gray hair, white patches, dark spots and I hate to say it: sagging skin 🙂

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." George Burns

At 48 I started dying my hair to cover the gray. That was 10 years ago, a long time of applying toxic dye to my head. Last Year I let my hair turn gray. Every time I got it cut, more gray showed and after my last cut today, I am proud to say that my hair is all gray.

Continue reading “How We Can Accept Getting Old”

What to Do When Life Gets Challenging

three-choices-in-life

Sometimes everything goes wrong, people leave us, appliances break down, cars break down, accidents happen, people don't do what you want them to do….. and on it goes.

One way would be to run away, (or we could) but that would not work. So what can be done? A change of attitude can make a huge difference and it will empower your life.Description: http://maritas.uibcsites.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif

For example you cannot change the fact that something broke, but you can let go of being upset about it and focus on the solution: What can you do to fix it, yes it might cost money, it might cost time, but nothing changes the fact that it is broken, it is what it is. The sooner you stop focusing on the problem the faster you will feel better. It's a change in attitude that will make the difference.

Do you know people who keep obsessing about "the problem" for a long time? They talk about it to everybody they know and the energy gets bigger and bigger and the problem too. It totally depletes the energy reserves.

One way to stop it is to become aware of the fact and just stop and breathe in and out, it will shift the energy instantly. Sure it takes some practice to get there, but especially with a regular meditation practice it will become a habit very soon, if that is what you want.

Some  tips that will help you

  • Focus on what is working
  • Nurture yourself
  • Be grateful for what you have
  • Don't give up

These are simple things to do and they will help you to feel better. Create some simple cards with positive words to remind you of good things and remember this too shall pass. It always does, you just have to go with the flow and do the best you can. One other thing that works great is to set reminders on your phone with positive messages a few times a day, they will make you smile. It's also a great time to make a vision board, which will help you focus on what you want and empower your life.

Try some of these tips and let me know how they work:-)