Sometimes We need To Say No
Women have a hard time to say no, mothers have a very hard time to say no.
Why is it so difficult?
- We want to avoid conflict
- We want to be nice
- We have a good heart
- We want to fit in
For me "no" is one of the hardest words, but the good news is: it can be learned, like anything else that's new. First it feels uncomfortable, but it gets easier the more we practice it.
How to do it!
Have you heard that it takes 21 days to learn a new habit?
- For 21 days say "no" whenever you know that you do not want to do something. Make it a practice just for the heck of it! Empower your life by saying no. You have to be ok with the feeling of unease in your body until you get used to it. This is tip #1 when trying to learn new behavior, do not let it scare you away, it's a normal reaction of the body.
- Be with the feeling of discomfort
- Be aware and take the time to pause every time someone asks you for something. No exeption, you just say: Let me think about it or: I will let you know tomorrow, giving you enough time to sit with it. You can feel it in your body, if you do not want to do it, it might be a heavy feeling of unease in your abdomen.
- Pay attention to your body, it's empowering to know how your body reacts.
I always admire people who are determined and tough, who know what they want and do what they say, but that's not me. I am so compassionate that I always want to help everybody, even if I do not have the time or energy to do so. One would say that there is nothing wrong with this, but if you do too much of it, especiallly for people who take advatage of you, you get resentful and that is not a very empowered place to be.
We are in integrity when we feel good about our actions.
Below some quotes about saying "no"
“…there are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don't really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.” Elaine St.James
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“No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "No".
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” Susan Gregg
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“Buy yourself some time. Interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options.” Auliq Ice
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“Being unable to say no can make you exhausted, stressed and irritable.” Auliq Ice
So just for this week practice to say no and let me know how it worked, leave a comment below 🙂
It makes me so sad when people say that they are 'too busy' for everything. It's what you said, it is time to take some items off of the plate and say NO. What good is it that all of the other people you are doing things for are thrilled, but you are burned out and miserable. Why people do that to themselves I will never know, but I think it is because so many don't even realize that they are doing it. This is a powerful post, love it!
I think it's important to teach kids how to say 'no' politely, even to their parents and elders so that they can learn to establish boundaries and communiate clearly and effectively as adults. We are taught, at a young age, to be people pleasers, and in the real world, this doesn't do us much good.
Saying 'no' is so important in establishing boundaries in relationships and helps us to find balance in our lives. Learning to say no is just as important as learning to say yes.
So, so true, Marita! It's about setting boundaries, without making excuses. I highly recommend the book, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith. Required reading for doormats! 😉
It IS sometimes hard to say no and is definitely something we have to learn to do at times.
Great advice! We have to be able to say no to some stuff in order to say yes to some other stuff 😉
Thanks Maria! I needed to hear this and I will be implementing a 21 day challenge to say No to what I don't want to do.
Saying NO is difficult, however, I'm getting better at it. I find that when don't, I lose some time for me.
Great article. I am working very hard on saying no. Hardest thing for me to do!!!
Everyone likes to be “the good guy” and sometimes we think that others will see us as “the bad guy” if we say no. I’ve actually seen the opposite. People respect you and your time when YOU respect yourself and your time.
Good points.
That's right. It can be difficult to say 'NO', but it's something that we can all benefit to learn from. And it's important to remember that whenever we say 'YES', that we're not in direct conflict with ourselves 🙂
It’s amazing how we, especially as women, need to be reminded that we need to say NO sometimes. I’ve practiced it at times and it feels good. No only if I can say YES more to me 🙂
When we say yes and we really want to say no we just end up piling more pressure on ourselves and run the risk of letting people down. Getting comfortable with saying no when you need to serves you and other people in your life.
This affects not only the "yes sayer" but the "yes listener". There are sometimes when I WISH people would say NO rather than being all wishy-washy. I just want an answer so that I can move on to my next project or deal with what needs to be done in order to fix a situation.
I have SO much trouble with this! GOTTA work on it! Thanks for a great post!
Love the statement about No being a complete sentence. I've found that extremely helpful in my life. If it's not right for us at that time then just say no.
Great post! There are indeed certain times that you just have to say “No” in order to listen to yourself. What is your basis in saying “No?”