empower your life Archives - Page 4 of 5

Sometimes We Need To Say No

Sometimes We need To Say No

Women have a hard time to say no, mothers have a very hard time to say no.

Why is it so difficult?

We want to avoid conflict
We want to be nice
We have a good heart
We want to fit in

For me "no" is one of the hardest words, but the good news is: it can be learned, like anything else that's new. First it feels uncomfortable, but it gets easier the more we practice it.

How to do it!

Have you heard that it takes 21 days to learn a new habit?

For 21 days say "no" whenever you know that you do not want to do something. Make it a practice just for the heck of it! Empower your life by saying no. You have to be ok with the feeling of unease in your body until you get used to it. This is tip #1 when trying to learn new behavior, do not let it scare you away, it's a normal reaction of the body.
Be with the feeling of discomfort
Be aware and take the time to pause every time someone asks you for something. No exeption, you just say: Let me think about it or: I will let you know tomorrow, giving you enough time to sit with it. You can feel it in your body, if you do not want to do it, it might be a heavy feeling of unease in your abdomen.
Pay attention to your body, it's empowering to know how your body reacts.

I always admire people who are determined and tough, who know what they want and do what they say, but that's not me. I am so compassionate that I always want to help everybody, even if I do not have the time or energy to do so. One would say that there is nothing wrong with this, but if you do too much of it, especiallly for people who take advatage of you, you get resentful and that is not a very empowered place to be.

We are in integrity when we feel good about our actions.

Below some quotes about saying "no"

“…there are often many things we feel we should do that, in fact, we don't really have to do. Getting to the point where we can tell the difference is a major milestone in the simplification process.” Elaine St.James

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“No is a complete sentence and so often we forget that.
When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say no.
We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say "No".
Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say no expanded my ability to say yes and really mean it.
My early attempts at saying no were often far from graceful but with practice even my no came from a place of love.
Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” Susan Gregg
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“Buy yourself some time. Interrupt the ‘yes’ cycle, using phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options.” Auliq Ice
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“Being unable to say no can make you exhausted, stressed and irritable.” Auliq Ice

So just for this week practice to say no and let me know how it worked, leave a comment below 🙂

Why It’s Sometimes Good To Go Through Big Life Changes

Why It's Sometimes Good To Go Through Big Life Changes

Did you ever go through big life changes and came out with a much better life?

Sometimes we do not want to make changes, although we are miserable in a situation. Why do we want to hang on to a relation ship that makes us unhappy, or a career we hate? We all know it's crazy, so what is it?

Fear of change
Fear of the unknown

Those 2 are normally the main reasons why we stay in miserable, sometimes abusive situations. I myself stayed in a bad marriage for 32 years and if it wouldn't have gotten absolutely crazy I probably would still be in there, miserable, unfulfilled, unhappy, depressed and resentful. I can only say: thank you universe 🙂

I did not say this when I went through the worst, at first I was angry and resentful, actually it was so bad that I wanted my husband to die. So I could stay in the house I loved and hang on to the things that were precious to me. Yes it was not pretty and I was not nice.

Now for the first time in my life I am doing the things I love to do, I love what I do , I love who I am and I am full of possibility for my life.

If you feel like you are not living the life you want to live, get out and do it. We have only one life and it's too precious to be wasted on people who do not love us, or things we do not want to do.

I believe that if we fully express ourselves we will find happiness, if we try to fit into the box this might not be the case.

So dare to be you and if you are in a situation like this remember that the changes are hard and life might be challenging for a while. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know it, I've been there.

Sadly we are programmed to always look for security and I believe that if we are ruled by security, the reward will be a dull life.

Below is my favorite quote, it says it all!

“Come to the edge.' 'We can't. We're afraid.' 'Come to the edge.' 'We can't. We will fall!' 'Come to the edge.' And they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.” Guillaume Apollinaire

What's your story about a Big Life Change ? Please leave a comment

Believe In Your Potential

Believe In Your Potential

I love this quote by Marianne Williamson

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of god. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make and manifest the glory of god that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

So what exactly does this mean and how can you believe in your potential?

For the people who are familiar with the law of attraction and spirituality this is easy to understand. For all others it might not make any sense. So if it does not make sense to you, don't worry, it's hard to understand and it might take some time, it's ok.

Continue reading “Believe In Your Potential”

Learn To Play with Fear

Learn To Play With Fear

I love to write about fear, it's a fascinating subject. Fear keeps us safe and fear keeps us stuck, but on the other side of fear is success. The levels of fear we experience are different for everybody. Some people get panicked by little things and for others it takes a lot more to scare them. Fear is our survival mechanism left over from a long, long time ago, when we had to fight bears and other beasts. Fear is also pure ENERGY

Continue reading “Learn To Play with Fear”

What To Do When Someone You Love Drinks Too Much?

What To Do When Someone You Love Drinks Too Much?

Growing up with alcoholism or living with alcoholic spouses, children or siblings is unpredictable hell. Lots of people in my family of origin drank. They were hardworking, responsible, honest members of society, but too much drinking is not healthy for the one who drinks or the people around them. I grew up in Germany where beer is called liquid bread, but it's still alcohol and it gets you drunk and if you drink it every day you can call yourself an "alcoholic."

In my family the definition of "alcoholic" is someone who is homeless, in the gutter, dressed in rags and drinks cheap liquor. Well this is not true, there are many high functioning alcoholics out there, who are doctors, architects, bankers, politicians, lawyers and so on who do not fit this picture. The clinical defintion of alcoholic is: Someone who cannot control their drinking, drinks on a regular basis in order to cope with life and stress.

My drinking started when I was 15. I never knew what was wrong with me until my life was so miserable that I agreed to take some therapy sessions in my late 40s. My therapist suggested Alanon and mentioned that I might suffer from codepencency. I was desperate so I went to my first meeting and learned that I started drinking because I felt inadequate and unlovable. Drinking made me feel a lot more comfortable around people and with myself. My perfectionism, my need to control everything and everybody, my anger, my unhappiness and my need to desperately hold onto a very unhealthy marriage, were all signs of what they call "codependency."

What is Co-dependency (please click the link if you would like to read more)

Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

Who Does Co-dependency Affect?

Co-dependency often affects a spouse, a parent, sibling, friend, or co-worker of a person afflicted with alcohol or drug dependence. Originally, co-dependent was a term used to describe partners in chemical dependency, persons living with, or in a relationship with an addicted person. Similar patterns have been seen in people in relationships with chronically or mentally ill individuals. Today, however, the term has broadened to describe any co-dependent person from any dysfunctional family.

If you suffer from other people's drinking or crazymaking behavior, I would suggest Alanon. An organization that helps family members of alcoholics take care of themselves and live happy fulfilled lives. It's a simple program, it's free, or by small donation. I started going to meetings and my life changed. Within 3 months I felt better. I was able to let go of trying to control everything and everybody around me and I could "live and let live." I had more energy and I learned to enjoy my life despite of what was going on around me.

I would stop complaining to my children about my husband's behavior and I could let go of trying to be perfect. I learned that it's important to take care of myself and let others do what they need to do for themselves. Yes it was new behavior and it was uncomfortable, but the more I practiced the better I felt. Now 11 years later I'm still going to meetings, I love the honesty and to be surrounded by people who want to transform their lives and are not afraid to share their feelings. It has helped me empower my life and my children's lives.

If you like to get more information about the program and meetings in your area, check the Alanon website

Empower your life by healing yourself. Do you have a story you would like to share? Please leave a comment.

When You Are Going Through A Hard Time It’s Important To Play

When You Are Going Through A Hard Time It's Important To Play

From the book: "Women Who Run With Wolves", by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph. D,

"It is play, no properness, that is the central artery, the core, the brain stem of creative life. The impulse to play is an instinct. No play, no creative life. Be good, no creative life. Sit still, no creative life. Speak, think, act only demurely, little creative juice. Any group, society, institution, or organization that encourages women to revile the eccentric: to be suspicious of the new and unusual: to avoid the fervent, the vital, the innovative; to impersonalize the personal, is asking for a culture of dead women."

I love this book, it is so close to my heart. We cannot be reminded enough how important it is to play. Routine is a killer to our creativity. We all know this, but we still go for routine, no wonder that most women are stressed out, bored and have no energy. Too many things to do, too much work, taking care of others, too much cooking, too much cleaning, too much responsibility. But very little fun, no wonder lots of women start drinking or taking drugs, legal or illegal to just survive.

Continue reading “When You Are Going Through A Hard Time It’s Important To Play”

How To Empower Your Life

The word empowerment sounds like a very important word. But that's not the case. Just taking care of your needs is a healthy start. I made a list of simple things that will empower your life without getting into overwhelm.

Eat the right foods,
Read something inspiring
Drink enough water,
Get enough sleep,
Make sure you have fun
Take some time off for yourself
Enjoy a bubble bath
Exercise

Walks in nature, are relaxing and rejuvenating, if you feel bad, or stressed. Just go for a walk and try to enjoy nature without thinking about problems or whatever is wrong in your life. Nature can be a savior, the wind the sun, the rain, the trees, the ocean can replenish the well.

Meditation is also helpful, it gives you the moment to step back and create more awareness over when to react or not to react. It's empowering, to be in charge of your reactions. So instead of flipping off the rude driver in front of you, or the encounter with an unfriendly person in the store, you just take a deep breath and let it go, this is mindfulness in action. Congratulations you just empowered yourself:-)

Set boundaries with other people, know what you want and what you need. If you can be true to yourself you do not have to feel upset or feel victimized. Try and do the things you love to do, nourish your spirit, take time to play and have fun. Surround yourself with people who have the same interests and who inspire you. It is very hard to be empowered and motivated if you are surrounded by negative people, or people who do not want to get off their behinds. It's a downer, stay away from them!

Forgive more: remember the quote: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? It feels so much better to forgive than to be angry and resentful. In 12 step programs they call resentments: "The poison that you drink but want somebody else to die" Not good indeed. So if you forgive you can be happy and everything else does not matter, even if somebody did something terrible to you, forgiveness will make you feel better. Again, you just empowered your life.

Say what you mean and do what you say. Be in integrity, dont' lie, don't say you will do something and then you don't do it, it will make you feel good about yourself.

Feel your feelings, do not avoid them and drink, work, smoke, control or find other ways to avoid your feelings, they will get you anyay. You might as well feel them now and get it over with. I know it does not sound like fun, but feelings need to be acknowledged and they will persist and knock on the door until we listen. They are like entities inside ourselves that want to be heard.

Try to not complain, complaining sucks your energy like nothing else. Empower your life by taking responsiblilty for your life and your actions. This is a big one. Every complaint is a way to not take responsibility.

If you have other little ways to empower your life, please share it with us and leave a comment.

How Coaching Can Help In Your Life

How Coaching Can Help In Your Life

"We cannot teach people anything. We can only help them discover it within themselves. " Galileo Galileo

Do you sometimes feel totally overwhelmed by too many things to do, or one thing that's too big to tackle?
Is it so bad that you rather look the other way and not do it?
Are there some things you would like to do in your life, but you have no clue where to start?

Set up a business, online or offline,
Change careers,
Improve relationships,
Find fun ways to fulfill your life
Balance you life
Live a healthier lifestyle
Become more organized
Be more playful

Would you like to make certain changes in your life, but you feel it's too daunting without support?

If you answered yes you might want to look into the possibility of working with a coach. Just in case you have never worked with a coach, let's explore what it means and how it can help.

There are many different models and methodologies of coaching. Some may be designed to facilitate thinking or learning new behavior for personal growth or professional advancement. There are also forms of coaching that help the client improve a physical skill, like in a sport or performing art form. Some coaches use a style in which they ask "open ended questions" and offer opportunities that will challenge the client to find answers from within him/herself. This process facilitates the learner to discover answers and new ways of being based on their values, preferences and unique perspective.

Coaching is very effective and empowering to individuals who are absolutely ready to achieve results and goals in life and to pursue their dreams .

What coaching is not:

Coaching is not therapy. It does not focus on your past, or healing symptoms, such as of anxiety or depression. A coach assumes that the client is mentally healthy and able to work with the coach to develop strategies based on the client’s values and goals.

Coaching is not consulting. Unlike a consultant, who is hired to provide the answers, the coaches role is not to know all the answers and solve all of the client’s problems. The coach will frequently challenge the client to take action toward their goals, but does not” tell the client what to do”.

Coaching is not friendship. While relationship is vital to all of us, coaching differs in that the focus is focused on the client and what will give them maximum benefit.

I hope I answered some of your questions in regard to coaching, if you would like to try it, contact me and I will set up an exploratory coaching session, at not cost.

How To Be Sane In An Unsane World

How To Be Sane In An Unsane World

Unfortunately, there is very little we can do about the state of the world, but there is a lot we can do about our attitude. If we practice to be more sane, more patient, more authentic, happier, healthier etc. it would make a huge difference for the people around us and it will help to create a better world.

Remember what Gandhi said: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” It’s that simple and yet so hard. This story had a great impact on me: Gandhi was approached by a mother who told him her son was addicted to sugar and she wanted him to stop. She asked Gandhi what to do.

Gandhi said to come back in 3 weeks. The women did not understand and asked him why he wanted her to come back in 3 weeks. He answered: I like to eat sweets myself, so in order to give advice, I have to stop eating sweets myself.” Great story!

Why is it so hard to change?

We have no energy, we feel unhappy, we are resentful, but we still do not want to change. We think about it, talk about it, but that might be it, going around and around in circles.

New feels uncomfortable
It is scary
We don’t want to do it
People around us do not want us to change

Enough of the problem, now what is the solution?

One solution is to engage in things that make you feel good, take some time out every week and make a date with yourself to do something fun and have pure playtime. We can learn to detach with love from people in our environment who are whiners, complainers and “crazy makers”. I love the book the “Artist Way.” Julia Cameron, the author dedicated a whole chapter to the “crazy makers” in our lives: the children, the parents, the husbands, the friends, the extended family members, the bosses, colleagues.

The people who suck your energy and make you feel bad, for whatever reason. But you can learn how to respond to them. You don’t have to give them what they want, you have a choice to say no and they actually feel better too if you keep up your boundaries, although they might not admit this. Everybody deserves sanity, peace and happiness.

One way to do it is by being aware and always giving yourself the space to ask:

Is this really what I want to do right now?

It will give you power and you will feel good about yourself if you try and respond from a place of detachment. Practice it for a week and see how it goes, get a journal and keep track of your reactions, it’s fun and it will help you feel sane

Simple Tips To Be More Confident

Simple Tips To Be More Confident

In order to be self- fulfilled, successful and empowered we need to be confident.

It is very interesting how we neglect being confident. It starts by forgetting our successes, even the big ones. How can that happen that we just remember the challenges and failures? It's self-sabotage, it's crazy, but we still do it, because it is unconscious. Can you relate to this?

As a life coach I notice this phenomenon all the time and I remind clients and friends whenever I can that they set simple reminders to celebrate successes.

Below are 7 simple tips to do this.

Buy yourself a notebook
Set daily reminders on your phone
Set a few minutes aside in the evening and write down what you accomplished
Celebrate and give yourself a little treat
Do this every day until it is a habit
Make a "confident you" vision board
write some cards with simple affirmations and say them out loud.

A universal rule is that everything you do for 21 days will turn into a habit. After 21 days it will be on "automatic pilot". Do you like the idea? Think about it! All the negative habits can be substituted by positive ones and after a while it will be automatic, how great is that!

Confidence is developed in childhood. If you had supportive people around, who always celebrated your little or big successes, you probably feel very confident, believe in yourself and trust that you can achieve your life dreams. Congratulations to you!

Unfortunately for most of us this is not the case, but the good news is that it can be learned and practiced by doing some very simple things.

be aware of your thoughts
be aware of your reactions
be aware of your feelings

Meditation for example is very helpful to improve awareness and it will give you the moment you need in order to choose. Do you want to react and how do you want to react to something.

Insight meditation is very easy to do, you pretty much just sit and watch your breath for a few minutes. No you do not have to sit for 30 minutes, even 5 to 10 minutes done every day will change your life, I promise!

In order to manifest and be successful, it is essential to be confident, so try to get into the habit of celebration. Keep a little notebook about your successes and establish a simple meditation practice. Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think, if you have additional ideas please share them. 🙂