empowerment tips Archives - MaritaSteffe.com

How to let go of Frustration

How to let go of frustration

How to let go of Frustration.

Hello I hope you are well…or did you land here because you are frustrated? Look at my picture that´s how I feel! Steaming of anger and frustration. Today, I’m writing this post because I am totally frustrated 🙂

The funny thing is that I was not planning to write a post about frustration… but let me tell you first what happened. This will prove that the energy of frustration can be turned into something creative.

This morning I went to a coffeeshop to write. First I ordered a lovely cappuccino, sat down, opened my E-Mail and downloaded a document. All was well, until… I cannot open the document, play around for 15 minutes and still can´t do it. So what happens:

Frustrations sets in.
Body gets tense,
Mind gets tense, telling me all kinds of not very kind things.

For example: why did my friend sent me this document in a format that I can´t open with my adobe reader. This cannot be happening, I just want to write, be creative and finish a blogpost. All I´m doing is trying to read this freaking file. Scene: Tension is building, anger is creeping up, can you relate?

Now my mindfulness sets in quietly reasoning : Marita please calm down, it´s just another challenge, take a deep breath and let it go. You can just let go of trying to open the document right now and start writing your post.

Ah, idea is popping up! I will write a blogpost about frustration. Exactly describing my feelings and how I can transform them, that´s fun. Good plan…feeling much better already. My tense face, is turning into a smile, my shallow breathing is turning into a deep belly breath and life is peaceful and fun again.

What exactly did I do to let go of the frustration?

I was conscious or mindful about what was going on in my mind and body.
I thought about one practical thing to that would solve the problem.
I started to talk to myself in a kind way and calm myself down.
I focused on my breathing and deepened it.

The practical thing I did was: I sent an e mail to my friend and asked her to paste the text into a new e mail. Problem solved. Frustration is such a powerful feeling, it comes up a lot and it can spoil the mood and wreck the day. Not only for you but also for everybody who comes in contact with you. Normally if the feeling gets suppressed, it will try to find a way to explode.

For example the next person you talk to might say one thing that upsets you and wow an explosion of unkind words might be unloaded on that person. The result is that you get to feel bad about yourself. All this can be avoided by being conscious about what´s going on inside of you.

What I learned from Human Design in regards to frustration.

I´ve been studying Human Design for a few years. As a generator, which is one of the 4 energy types in Human Design, I learned that I get frustrated whenever I do not respond correctly to a prompt from the outside, my intuition or gut feeling.

So now whenever I get frustrated, I know that I need to take a deep breath, go for a walk, or meditate. Do something that brings me back to myself. It´s a very simple practice that has changed my life. What are your thoughts about frustration?

How to Improve your Personal Environment

How to Improve your Personal Environment

Hello again, I hope you are well and enjoying your life. Right now nature is exploding with delicate green buds, days are getting longer, the sun is warming up the ground, birds are chirping away. What a wonderful time of the year.

Spring is always a great time for a nice cleaning, not just the cleaning of your home but also looking at your relationships, bodies, mind and spirit. In this blogpost we look at your physical environment. The next blogpost will be about your body and appearance.

It´s a great opportunity to evaluate what works and what does not work in your immediate environment, the result will be increased life energy for the things you want to do and to help you create the life you love

Your physical environment

Let´s look at your home and workspace:

Are you happy with the way your home and office looks and feels?

No matter what the answer is, just start with a nice cleaning, use a good environmentally safe cleaner, with essential oils to make it more pleasant. Open the windows to let in fresh air, put on your favourite music and let´s start. While you do this, look at everything and ask yourself the following questions.

Is there any clutter that makes you feel bad, but you ignore it?
Are there repairs that you just do not get around to?
Is anything missing?
Anything that can be let go of?

Yeah, it´s amazing how much stuff gets accumulated but, do you need it all? Probably not. What I really love is the Feng Shui principle that when empty space gets created, the void will attract something new into your life. What a wonderful concept that always helps me to let go of stuff.

Broken things and messes drain your energy. Yes it´s true… you just have to be aware and mindful of how you feel and what gives energy and what takes energy. Practicing mindfulness or being aware of everything inside and outside yourself is a huge part of living a happy, fulfilled life.

Try a little experiment and see how it makes you feel, give it your total awareness. Clean up something, fix something or get rid of something and feel the energy in your body.

How does it feel?
What changed?
Do you have more energy?

One more practical tip: I always have 2 bags and one box around, one bag for stuff to give away, one bag for garbage and a box for stuff that I do not really need but still want to hang on to. I list the items on the box and put a date on. If I have not needed it after a year I go through again and might want to let it go. This is an ongoing process and it´s real fun.

Here are two example from my life

I broke the glass container of my blender about 6 months ago. Somehow it really bothered me that I had to buy a new one. Sure I tried to go to some local shops to buy it but it was not available. One salesperson gave me the website to order the part…that was about 4 months ago.

Despite the many occasions where I needed a blender and feeling bad about not doing it, I still have not gotten around to it. Last week I started a detox and really needed one, so I finally ordered it online. I cannot tell you how good that felt, not to have to think about the blender anymore, it freed up energy for other things.

Another little example for fixing something: When my internet was installed the cable guy needed to install a new jack, but they were only allowed to connect the cables coming out of the wall, so the jack was just hanging there.

I had to get my handyman to install it, which took me about 7 months and I finally did it this months. The joy I felt after it was done was exhilarating. Now I can walk by this part of the room and feel good. Before there was always the nagging thought: Marita this looks sloppy, get it fixed, why don´t you do it?

The feeling after something is done is fabulous and I never understand why it took me so long. Does this happen to you? Let me know if this was helpful? Do you have a good tip you would like to share? Please leave a comment.

Ps: Some ideas in this post are inspired by the world power method of my wonderful school Coachville New York

Perfectionism Kills Dreams

Perfectionism Kills Dreams

Hello again…I'm so excited to share this post with you….I turned 60 this year and the older I get the less I'm interested in being perfect, the more I want to be playful and experimental. Why?…Because life is a lot more fun 🙂

Lately I've noticed again and again…. that so many people have very little joy in life and noticed that the common denominator is perfectionism: Focusing on chores, what we need to do, you know the annoying stuff like homework, shopping, cleaning, working, we beat ourselves up when we do something wrong, but rarely do we celebrate when we do something right 🙂

Even as adults…. it's still like this: Do your homework and then you can play. The weird thing is… now you say this to yourself, no teacher or parent required. Have you noticed this? Take a moment and ask yourself this question….are you one of them? do you do this? Just this little “awareness” can change your life.

Change your attitude, change your life.

So… how can you actually change your attitude?

Be aware of your thoughts
Be willing to experiment
Accept that new behavior feels uncomfortable.

Be aware of your thoughts

What are you actually thinking? Interesting question isn’t it. For a few minutes several times during the day…. watch your thoughts. Like an outsider, observer, be aware of what you think. Yes it’s simple but then it’s not….. try it and see what happens. Actually… why not write it down….take a journal and write down whatever pops into your mind. Do I hear you say: this is stupid??? maybe but it’s very interesting to know what’s going on in your mind, actually my mind too 🙂

For example it could look like this: I have to do the dishes, I really don’t like what so and so said yesterday, I am tired of doing this, why should I write down my thoughts, oh I forgot to buy toilet paper, this person doesn’t like me, I don’t want to do this, the potato soup was not good, it’s raining again, I don't know what to do…… It’s a mindfulness meditation to be aware of your thoughts.

This simple action step can change your life, if you chose to do it. Mindfulness Meditation is a great tool to help be more aware of your thoughts and feel yourself…. but it’s a process and won’t happen overnight.

Be willing to experiment.

I have to be perfect
I have to do this right
I will not do this because I have to do it perfectly

Oh man….. perfectionism is a killer, it kills creativity, aliveness, joy, It can make people sick and invites them to give up. Experimenting and being playful is the opposite of perfectionism. What you need is the willingness to play, to make mistakes and yes, you MUST be willing to fail. Kids have this kind of presence and willingness, they always experiment and play until …….they grow up.

I'm sure you heard the stories of famous people for example: Steven Spielberg was rejected from schools several times, Albert Einstein had a learning disorder, Thomas Edison was told by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything, Henry Ford failed at several businesses. There are many others who failed many times, some over years but they did not give up, they kept experimenting until eventually…. they succeeded.

By changing one simple thing, YOUR ATTITUDE, you can change your life. Try it out, set little experiments for yourself and just play and enjoy whatever you are doing.

Don’t try to do it right,
Don’t be serious
Don’t be attached to the outcome…..just play.

Now be aware of how it feels. Does it feel any different, are you experiencing more joy, is it more fun to do things… even if some things are not exactly fun? Watch yourself, write it down and keep experimenting and noticing. Get to know yourself, be your best friend.

Accept that new behaviour is uncomfortable

This is a tough one, but it's an important part of the new game…..why should I be doing something that is uncomfortable? We are creatures of habit, even if the habits are not good for us. Smoking for example can calm you down, but most people know that it can kill you.

To be a perfectionist feels comfortable… to experiment might not, even if it’s a lot healthier for you. Working too much is a habit and working less will feel very uncomfortable. Putting yourself down feels comfortable, celebrating what you do right might feel uncomfortable. Taking time off and just playing will feel uncomfortable but is actually a good thing…..and on it goes.

When you start doing new things it will feel weird and you have to know that this is normal and not be discouraged by it. This is why people abandon their dreams, it’s that important!!!! Write it on a poster or set a reminder on your phone, tatoo it on your hand, whatever will help you remember, just do it! I am doing new things and I am willing to play. I invite you to play to win 🙂

Leave a comment and let me know how it works for you. do you have any tricks you would like to share?

Why Blogging Will Create More Visibility For Your Business

I am so excited to write this post….Now don’t get me wrong, I am not the “Mrs perfect, expert blogger”…..But I’ve been blogging for the last 4 years and know it's powerful. In the process I also discovered writing as a creative outlet, wohoooo how great is that. Before I forget…. please forgive my twisted english and misspells, as it’s not my first language 🙂

Today I'm writing in a coffee shop with a view of the old city hall. The farmers market is set up with lots of stands offering delicious veggies, fruits, fish, meet, chesse and scented flowers. The smell of deep fried fish and spices is in the air….ah, life is good.

Ok now back to blogging…My first blog, which was about vision boards….would show up on page 2 of google after only 3 months, which was a real achievement…Ok, now I would love to share with YOU what I learned and why blogging ins helpful for your business.

Over the last few years I have participated in lots of classes, seminars, mastermind groups and so on, enjoying the chance to connect with many people who desire to have a more global business presence and live their life purpose, doing the work they love to do.

After talking to lots of wonderful human beings…I now have a good picture about the most common problems, when starting and/or growing a business online. So what do you think are the most common problems when starting a business?

Yes you are right, you need to find customers, so you have to be visible and no…they don't come out of the blue, even if that’s what some law of attraction gurus tell you. Believe me I tried this strategy for a long time and it did not work. Unfortunately you need to apply certain actions and strategies to be found… otherwise you will get lost in the jungle of other websites.

Your potential client has no idea that you are out there with your wonderful service or product. As a result you might think that nobody is interested in what you have to offer……but it might just be a problem of being visible.

Just to throw this in as a sidenote: People sometimes don’t do the necessary actions, but are unconscious about the fact that they don’t do them. The result is that they think… their efforts are not working…… This process is unconscious and it’s a mind strategy to keep you safe, within your comfortzone.

Do I hear you say? This is crazy? Yes it is…but it’s true……. Try this experiment, be mindful and watch yourself…. Being aware of it myself and many other coaches I talk to, I actually noticed myself doing this…. I hate to admit… Has this ever happened to you?

When starting or growing a business, one of the most important things you need to do in order to become known and attract customers is to create visibility. Most of you know how to do it for your brick and mortar businesses… Advertise in the yellow pages, gazettes, magazines, word of mouth, go to networking events and the whole shebang. But what about online?

If you follow the online marketing gurus, which I did, they all say: start a blog and write posts….. Oh my… how to set up a blog, write, social media….No clue what to do, so many options, don’t know where to start. I was in total overwhelm.

Yep I know what it feels like, I’ve been there…..When I started I was perplexed, I was not very techie on the computer. I never saw myself as a writer, I never thought I’m good at writing, but I just did what they told me to do and guess what, after I got over the resistance I started to enjoy it 🙂

Now what are the technical benefits? By writing blogposts on a regular basis, Google will think your website is more active. With every indexed page (new blogpost) you add, there is one more chance to show up in the search engines, so it’s a fantastic tool to create organic SEO and drive free traffic to your site.

I will not get into SEO, but websites like hubspot, or other experts will be a great source of more technical information. Just google experts in SEO and you will find great information, even for free. My worpress site also has a great Plugin to help with SEO.

The blog content will be available for as long as you have your blog, so if people are searching for something you write about, it will take them to your blogpost, even years after you wrote it.

The other great benefit is that you have your own original content to share on social media, so if people get to know you through reading your blog they start to trust you and if you engage enough they eventually convert to customers and clients.

Write about subjects that helps solve their pains. Yeah, it’s always about that, you have something…. they need this something and boom, if the 2 connect it can be a match made in heaven. Write what you are interested in, be personal, make it fun to read. Nobody likes to read boring "manuals".

You will need a weblog, social media setup and a good linkedIn profile and if you use it regularly it will create interest and customers for you, the key is to post on a regular basis, not once a year, that would not be enough. If you don't know how to do it get help, get a coach, a tutor, or start a mastermindgroup.

Find out about your client's pain and write about a solution to this pain or challenge. Now you have an interesting subject to write about, something that your customers are interested in. First you find a good theme, then you need a great title. What would people google who have this pain? Your title should reflect the answer to this pain, so do some research on google. How to find a great title for your blog.

Simple recipe, isn’t it? For example; if you’re a business or life coach you want to know

Who do you want to coach
What’s keeping them from doing the things they want to do

Let’s say your customers are women over 40 who are looking for a new life direction. What would their problems be?

They might have an idea what they are passionate about, but they don’t know how to realize it. They feel stuck, they might be afraid to leave their comfort zone, or their environment might not support them.

Now you can write about that, or how people can balance their lives, be healthier, more courageous, more successful, more confident, and more. Offer them tips and tricks, be the light at the end of the tunnel. Anything that might be of interest to “your tribe.”

Ps: I love to go write in different cafes, or at the library, it’s stimulates and inspires me to have people around, plus it’s more fun.

Ok my friends I hope this helps a little, if you feel stuck and need some help, take advantage of my “Coaching to help you move forward trial session”, it’s my gift to you, just

e mail me at maritasteffe@gmail.com

If you are inspired to add something to this post, or you have a question, please leave a comment, I love to read them 🙂

Simple Tips on How to Stay Inspired

Simple Tips on How to Stay Inspired

Hello my friends…we just had a heatwave in Germany….. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love good weather, but when it’s too hot and humid to move, it’s not for me.

I used to live in California, where it can be sizzling, but at least there is air condition everywhere… which is not the case in Germany….. Anyway I hope you are enjoying your summer no matter what the conditions are 🙂

During the last few weeks I experienced a loss of inspiration, feeling kind of blah….did not feel like writing, making collages or doing anything that’s fun. I‘m just wondering…has this ever happened to you?

Somehow you want to write something, paint something, create a video or whatever it is…But all you can do is stare into space and there is no spark of inspiration to get into action.

Ouch… it’s painful, frustrating and it happens to me so many times, it’s not funny. For writers it’s called writer’s block, but whatever you want to do, it applies to any block regrading expressing creativity and doing the things that you love to do. Crazy isn't it 🙂

Now what can you do when this happens?

One thing that helps me is to have the book the "Artist Way" nearby and read a chapter, it's the "bible for creative people." I also have a list of blogs bookmarked and when I need a “pick me up”, I read some of their material or watch their videos.That helps, most of the time….

When I want to write a blogpost, but feel blah about the state of the world or think… Well who wants to read another blogpost, there are millions out there already…. I listen to Dr. Lance Secretan, a leadership teacher who creates inspired environments all over the world.

Dr. Secretan teaches the "Higher Ground Leadership Course" at CoachVille, my wonderful school…I just watch one of his videos to put the wind of creativity and hope back into my sails. He uses a great tool: Spirit Cards, their purpose is to help you invite spirit into your work and life.

By the way.. Coachville has a free membership available with an abundance of free audios and other great material……. that's also a great way to get inspired…

One other great way to get back into the groove is: Visualize a time when you were totally on fire… working on something, being blissfully absorbed in the activity. Can you get into the movie?

What did you do?
Who were you with?
What exactly happened?
How did it feel

Try to come up with a few situations, be as detailed as possible and try to re-create the same energy, or feeling. This simple exercise will get the creativity flowing…..I promise 🙂

Music triggers the flow of creativity too, so creating a playlist of your favorite music, will be a fun action. What is it for you? Beatles, Rolling Stones, Cat Stevens, Nirvana, Bob Marley, Mozart, YoYoMa?

Whatever it is…put your headphones on and start singing to the music..

Maybe you want to be bold and start moving to the music…. there is nothing better than dancing, to get out of your mind into your body. Feel the movement, feel the joy, let it take you over. One of my passions is 5 rythm dancing…… psssst it's a secret.

Oh, one last tip…Go to a different place to work… like a nice cafe, the library, maybe your garden or the park, sit next to a creek under a tree, listen to the birds and wait what happens.

Ok my friends that’s it for today….Do you have some more empowerment tips? Please share them for all of us to enjoy.

Blessings

Marita

Check out this wonderful video with another technique 🙂

Make a Vision Board Work – Be Confident

Make a Vision Board Work – Be Confident

Hi my friends… Sometimes people tell me that they made a vision board, but nothing manifested….Frustrating, I get it…. sometimes it happens to people who do not have a lot of confidence. But the good news is that you can practice to believe in yourself.

Life can be great, life can be miserable and it’s up to you what you how you want to experience it. Now this is a tough statement, especially if you went through a lot of suffering in your life. But on the other hand it’s extremely powerful and a great way to transform and create a great life. It’s worth considering the concept!

Do you have doubts that you can be successful, that you can achieve your dreams and goals? Do you know that you can do certain exercises, to be more comfortable with the idea of being successful, confident and wonderful 🙂

Affirmations and power patterns are used in coaching and they are great, simple tools. You just repeat the same short sentence over and over again, like a mantra. You do this every day for at least 5 minutes, and also as a remedy when your limited thinking comes up.

Like… you know what: The little voice in your head that tells you all the bad things that can happen, that you can fail if you try, that you can’t do it any way, good things happen to other people and so on…That’s when you use the affirmation or the power pattern. I have many and I use them all, they work!

Use the opposite of your limiting belief, something that totally resonates with you. The key is to feel great when you hear yourself say the words. If your mind is telling you “you can’t do it”, you say: I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. If it is: “It’s too hard”, you say: I can do this with ease, I can do this with ease, I can do this with ease. Below are some more examples:

I am brilliant and confident
I am fit and in great health
I attract wonderful things
Money is flowing into my life from expected and unexpected sources
I attract all the right people into my life
I am getting better and and better every da
I am loved
Everything is working out perfectly
I trust the flow of life
Everything I need is coming to me
I am here to express my gift

This might sound too good to be true, but it is a simple exercise, that will help you to transform your inner critic to your best cheerleader. Just try it! It’s like a brainwash.

One other simple exercise is to not engage in negative thinking. This technique requires some mindfulness and presence, but if you are aware of the thoughts coming up, you can chose to not engage in them. Just let them go.

To manifest your vision, you have to belief that you are worth it to achieve your life aspirations. You want to look at the vision board as much as possible and feel the images on the board as your truth. You see it, you experience it, you vibrate it, you will draw it into your life. Indeed you will!

Feeling happy, successful, with a wonderful partner, a great career, a great team, wonderful friends and family relations. Driving the new car, on route to your dream destination. Dream big, go for the stars!

If you think you need more help: I use a powerful coaching method called “Inner Freedom,” to help people move through resistance and fear. Also, John Kehoe has a wonderful program called mindpower, it is very simple with easy step by step exercises. It is a truly life changing program.

But first just try the exercises…..Let me know if they work for you and if you have other tips, please share them in a comment.

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

Hello my sweet friends….. How are you? I hope you are enjoying the warm balmy weather, I sure am and I'm so glad you are here, let me guess…. you must be close to turning 60 or just turned 60 or maybe close to the occasion?

How does that make you feel?

I turned 60 a few weeks ago…… There is a wide variety of feelings connected to aging, but no matter how you feel about it, you do not have a choice, like it or not, you can't change the fact. A few lucky "angels" find it easy, while it’s a visit into the abyss for others.

For some it’s the realization of….. oh my god, my skin is sagging, I hate those bumps… and the next action is to call a surgeon and get liposuction, a facelift, or maybe the famous breast lift….. Can you relate?

I can… it was a big decision to let my hair turn gray, which I had dyed blonde for 10 years. About 2 years ago I had enough of running away from age and of soaking chemicals into my skin. I asked my hairdresser for moral support, which he gracisously did….. so I got my hair cut very short and let it go gray over the course of six months.

It was a stretch, but now I love it. I wear a bit more makeup, more colorful clothes and fun jewelry.

Acceptance is such a huge help with anything in life….. have you heard the saying?

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” Carl Gustav Jung

The other difficult experience was….. when I noticed white patches all over my body and face…. I actually panicked. These spots were familiar to me, my mother and grandfather had them. It’s called vitiligo, a skin condition, where areas of the skin don’t pigment any more.

Not really that bad, but I freaked out, I thought…. oh my god I don’t want this, this can’t be true. Unfortunately my complaint and shock did not help. The fact is: I have it, it will not go away and there is no treatment.

When this sank in I started to be grateful, that it’s only that and not a life threatening disease. The next thought was ok, I better accept it, because the resistance of not wanting it was very painful and it made me feel insane, yes… like "ouch" 🙂

To minimize the contrast in skin color, I stay out of the sun, wear tinted sun lotion, a hat, long sleeves and it’s fine..

A friend of mine actually said, Marita you are beautiful with your spots, why do you think you have to be perfect, just love yourself the way you look and are. That was candy for my soul….. ( I love my friend) 🙂

Now of course….. looks are not the only thing that need to be adjusted. What about attitude? For me getting older means that I look at myself more closely and every day I ask myself a few questions.

Who do I want to be?
What’s most important?
What do I want to do in the world?
Who do I want to hang out with?
Is this really what I want?
Is this good for me?
What simple thing can I do to make this world a better place?

When I was still married, I used to be afraid of being alone…. now I love it. Somehow it just happened, the more I like myself the way I am, the more I enjoy my company. What am I doing different now?

I hang out with positive people,
I Do things I enjoy
Go on little adventures
Hang out with people who are positive and nourishing
Exercise and eat healthy food
Laugh a lot
Listen to my needs

I also noticed that it feels good to express my uniqueness instead of trying to fit into the small box of what others want me to be like….. So why not get a crazy haircut, a tattoo, or maybe wear some wild clothes? Why not……have deep conversation, even if most people don't understand it. Why not say that you can start a new life with 60, or finally live out your passsion. Why not???

Would you allow yourself to do that? Ask yourself the question: What is one thing that you always wanted to do? And then....would you allow yourself to do it?

Please let me know what’s helping you to accept reality, be happy, be grateful, age well and be fabulous, I love you sisters….. and I love to read your to read your comments 🙂

How to Recover From People Pleasing

How to Recover From People Pleasing

Hello my friends, I hope all is well in your world…. Lately I've been thinking about people pleasing and I wonder… what’s your thought on it? Are you trying to please people and do things that you do not really want to do and it makes you feel burnt out?

Below a quote by Jim Carrey

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”

During the last 10 years, while going through a very tough time in my life, I started getting involved in Alanon and other personal development and transformational programs, where I came across a lot of people pleasers….. or very nice people who don't want want to be nice all the time.

To be perfectly honest, I am one myself, actually now I'm a “people pleaser in recovery”. The fact is that extensive people pleasing has cost me my self expression, self worth, creativity and my aliveness…. Not being true to myself has made me very resentful, passive aggressive and turned me into a martyr……..oh no.

The good news is that I was fortunate enough to be willing to learn about this habit, recognize it as a pattern, that has served me for a while and then I could set strategies in place to practice healthier ways of being and doing. Now… the good news….. anybody can do it!

Since then things have gotten a lot better…. Of course it’s a lifelong practice and these survival patterns don’t go away, but with awareness you can chose; Do you want to be authentic, or do you want to be a people pleaser. They say it takes about 21 days of practicing new behavior to change a pattern.

Simple examples of people pleasing.

Someone asks you….would you help me with this project? You have no desire to do so and no time, but you find yourself saying yes. Always saying yes, when you mean no.
Your boss asks you to work on the weekend and you don’t want to do it but you say yes.
Your friend wants to go to the movies with you, you are tired and don’t feel like it, but you say yes.
Someone is aggressive and instead of standing up for yourself, you say nothing to avoid conflict.
Always putting other people’s needs before yours. Manipulating a situation in order to be nice……ouch 🙂

In some cases, people pleasing is almost like an addiction, constantly needing to be needed.” This is a way to derive a fake sense of self worth, by constantly getting yourself into situations where you feel needed.

Can you relate to any of these points? If yes you might be a people pleaser. Human beings who are always sweet, nice and helpful, but inside they feel burnt out, resentful and taken advantage of. Yes, sometimes it gets so bad that you become sick and can’t function anymore. If you don't refill the well, it will dry out.

How to recover from people pleasing

Know yourself and be aware of your needs
Learn to ask for what you want
Set boundaries with others
Practice radical self care
Get into a support group and/or work with a coach
Journal about what's going on in your life

Know that this is a pattern that you started in childhood, it served you for a while, but at one point in life, it’s not working anymore. That’s the time to practice something new. It has been proven that by practicing new behavior, you can actually create new neural pathways in the brain.

Anything “new” feels uncomfortable, just like new shoes, you can just accept that and do it anyway, until it feels normal. Start on a new path, a life of freedom to express yourself and your needs. You can do it! If you need help ask for help, it’s easier and more fun with help.

PS. When I learned about human design, I discovered some very simple reasons why I react the way I react, how I can chose to accept certain things and with awareness… practice different behavior.

It has helped me find answers to some of the deep questions I had. For example, having an open solarplexus and heart center conditions me to question my self worth, by always thinking there is something wrong with me and the need to prove myself. Do you have that too sometimes?

I found out that I don't have to prove myself, it's just something that I learned growing up. Knowing that if I get to know and accept myself the way I am, I can enjoy peace and the freedom to express myself fully.

The process can be played like a game….Oh look what I discovered about myself….oh I just used a new pattern and it did not feel good but I did it…….

Just in case you would like to know what human design is: In short it's a system that helps you find out about who you are, your uniqueness in the world, your life path, how you can make the right decisions and the promise that if you live true to your design you will live a great life.

Are you ready for that? Try an exploratory session with me, it's my gift to you.

Click the contact tab and connect with me, or message me on facebook.

Now have fun with it and please let me know your thoughts, I love to connect with you.

Creating a Vision Board For Your Business

Creating a vision board for your business is a fun, creative and effective way to become clear about your intentions and it will help you discover, focus on and manifest your dreams.

It‘s way more fun than making a boring list and you can turn it into creative play. Playtime is always good isn't it?

Now let’s get started with a few questions!

("Play to Win" is one of my favorite coaching methods, it helps to change the attitude from having to work on something to a more enjoyful way of talking about things: "Play language" is an important part of it: business game stands for business goals, play your game for: work on your business, play to win for: achieve your goals.)

What’s your bigger purpose?

In order to win your game in business, as well as in life, it's good to know why you want to play. Life is a lot better when you can enjoy business related tasks, don’t you think so? Instead of saying: I have to do this social media posting and I hate it; you can practice saying: I will make some experiments with social media and see what happens…. If you find out that you still can’t enjoy it, you might want to hire someone who will do it for you. A positive attitude will help you win your game and have more fun.

What’s your bigger purpose?
What’s your desired outcome?
What actionsteps need to happen in order to get the desired results?

Sorry, I got a little sidetracked here, but now let’s come back to your purpose: why are you involved in this business?

What inspires you?
Who do you want to help,
Why do you want to do it?
How does it make you feel?

To be successful in business requires commitment and to be clear about your purpose will give you the energy to be inspired and motivated to play the game well and be persistant even through challenges.

Inspiration will be the fuel to propel you forward, so the more you can generate, the better it will be. It’s time well spent to be clear about your purpose.

When you have your purpose and it’s right for you, you will feel it in your body. That’s spirit letting you know:t you are on the right track 🙂

Examples for outcome could be:

Financial freedom
10 new clients
A certain certification
$100000 the first year in sales
Many satisfied, happy clients

Just replace this with whatever it is that YOU want to achieve.

Now you need to know what action steps you need to do in order to achieve the results that will get you to the desired outcome.

Talk to people
Make proposals
Hire help
Complete certain projects (website, biz cards etc.)

Now you need to find images representing these items, be creative with it, let it flow.

Materials

Images, representing your purpose, clients, outcomes, activities and more
Posterboard

Gluestick
Scissors
Large marker

Browse through the magazines and rip out the images that appeal to you. This is not a logical process it's more intuitive, go by what feels juicy, it's a subconscious process.

You will find the images in magazines (Money, Oprah, Vogue, National Geographic), books, calendars, online, or use your own images and print them out.

Look for images of people representing your ideal customers. If you want to write a book you can create a cover with a simple image editing software like "pic monkey", or go to fiverr and get something made for $5. Make up your own checks written to you from companies you would like to receive checks from, make them large numbers. Find images of your ideal office space, in the location you would like to be, the view you would like to see…..

On my business vision board I normally paste a picture of myself in the center of the poster board, looking happy and successful, doing my favorite business task.

Once you have the images, lay them out on the posterboard until you like the look of it and start to glue them down.

When all this is done, you can finish up with inspiring and motivating words. You can write them onto the board or you can type the text and print it out.

I make a great living doing what I love to do.
I love my work and get paid royally for doing it.
I am happy and fulfilled with my work.
I inspire and motivate others

When it's all done, hang it where you can look at it; in your office, above the desk would be the perfect place. In addition it's a good idea to take a photo of it, print and laminate a small version so you can have it in your purse. The more you look at it, the more you feel it, the more effective it will be. Remember: it's all energy and we attract the same energy into our lives that we send out.

Now I'm inspired and want to make my next one……….I hope you feel the same way, now have fun with it and good luck and play to win!!

Send me a picture of your vision board and let me know how it's going, if you have any questions, just ask me….. and if you are interested in business coaching let me know and we can set up a time for you to try a session, how much fun is that!!!

What Makes You Come Alive?

What Makes You Come Alive?

Hello my friends, I hope your holidays were peaceful and nourishing and that 2015 will be a great year for YOU all. I would like to start my new blog series with my favorite question: What makes you come alive, or in simple words: what gives you great, vibrating positive energy?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

Oh, what a fascinating question. How do you feel when you hear it? Did anybody ask you this question before?

Does it irritate you?
Does it inspire you?
What else do you feel?

Just to be honest: if anybody would have asked me this question 10 years ago, it would have irritated me. In those days I had very little awareness and would have translated it with: am I still breathing? What a stupid thing to ask? Hmmm, yes that was me then 🙂

Now I get excited and I want to mention all the beautiful things that make me come alive. Deep meaningful conversations, helping other people believe that they actually can change and live their dreams. Help someone to be open to see their own greatness and to own their own value.

Sharing insights that inspire others, to know that there is always the possibility of a wonderful life. Knowing that most limitations are self made and can be overcome.

I love it when I can support people to take care of themselves by eating healthy foods, being mindful, excercising, enjoying nature. I love to hang out with like minded people where I get support and inspirations.

Wait there is more: going on little adventures, even when it's just a new hike or I explore some new areas with my bicycle. I get excited when I do something different, learn something interesting, take a new class, meet someone new.

Feeling alive, is enjoying the simple things in life, expressing ourselves, being creative, being playful……. just for the heck of it!

Now let's explore what drains energy.

For me the biggest energy drain is negativity, it totally zapps me, being around gossip is bad for me too, just like judging others or being judged. Tiredness and being around uptight people who don't understand me is bad too.

When I don't get fresh air and can't exercise it drains me, when I am dishonest or get angry it drains my energy, noise and negative news ………..Well I'm sure the list goes on but I will stop here. If you come up with other goodies please share them with us.

So what makes you come alive? Please leave a comment to share with others.

PS: Don't wait to do all these good things until you retire, start NOW.

English is not my first language please forgive twisted grammar and misspelled words 🙂