Empowerment For Women Archives

The pain and beauty of letting go

This picture was taken, when the sun rose over Iceland in January of 2014. I was on my way back to Germany, after living in the San Francisco area for 35 years. That was four years ago and it took a lot of letting go. It was painful and it was beautiful and exciting at the same time.

Somehow most human beings want to hold on to everything they know. Letting go is to say goodby to belongings, people, believes and behaviors, illusions. Lots of things that that we got attached to.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. Thich Nhat Hanh

At one point I thought… I did let go of everything I could let go of, but somehow there is always a little bit more 🙂

Letting go, letting go, letting go

I remember that I was paralyzed when I, bit by bit, let go of my beautiful home. My friends, my car and my work, my walks on the Pacific. All my belongings were reduced to fit into a ten by 10 storage. The rest went to a friend of mine who was delighted.

I held on to my bank accounts, my drivers license, my Post office box and my phone number, that was it.

Fast forward 4 years…2018, I let go of my PO Box and friendships that do not feel good anymore. Last year I let go of my business and as a result, I also had to let go of the need to be important, the need to have to proof myself by doing things.

Always a little bit more…

Over the past four years I even had to let go of the illusion of what I want my family to be like. Yeah the illusions are very hard to let go of 🙂

So many illusions that I hear and see in my environment, the ingredients for a “happy life”. The partner, the family, the career, the things one should have, the status symbols.

Well, somehow I let go of most of them, it´s not important any more. Now I focus on what really nourishes me and makes me happy. Lots of spiritual work, a course in miracles, 12 step groups, 5 rhythm dancing, expressive painting, mantra singing and my studies of human design.

My search for something that inspires and stimulates me. I had to let go of everything in order to find what nourishes my spirit. As long as I make that a priority, I feel good.

Express yourself

So how do I do that? I trust the universe that I get whatever I need at the time when I need it. This trust helps me to let go and to be open to see and feel all the things that might be a sign to follow.

For me life is like a giant puzzle, lots of little pieces that at one time do not make much sense, but all of a sudden the realization that every piece is important in the grand scheme of life.

How does it work for you? What helps you to let go?

How Aging Can Be Fun

How aging can be fun

Ooooh, this is a fun subject. Great to have you here and thank you for your interest. Let me guess, you might be getting older…. and are trying to find out how aging can be fun 🙂

Right now I have difficulties to accept that I´m gaining belly fat. My friends roll their eyes and call me neurotic, because I look good. But somehow there is still this crazy idea that I would like to stay a size 6.

I admit, I gave in and let go of all the pants that were too tight and settled into the next size up. I only held on to a beautiful, expensive pair of bell bottom jeans, they are tooo cool to give away, Maybe there is a creative way to extend them 1″ on each side. If you have an idea let me know.

Hitting 62….feels like a new chapter in my life. Mondane things like success, being important, having lots of stuff, are not so interesting anymore and a zen- lifestyle is becoming more appealing. I let go of my car and ride my E-bike, I don´t need to travel to far away places anymore. I used to love to be in the sun, but now it´s no fun because I have Vitiligo. My solution is to visit colder countries with less sun, I always wanted to visit Iceland and swim in the Blue Lagoon. Acceptance of reality is a long process, that things are changing and part of it incorporates a bit of sadness and grieving.

Letting go

3 years ago I let my hair turn grey and had it cut it short. This process took years to finally have the courage to do this. These days the colour of my face is paler, because of the vitiligo… so I wear a bit more makeup.

My clothes are getting more colourful and adventurous. Somehow I find that black, which used to be my favourite colour is not so flattering these days and it´s being replaced with brighter happier colours.

For me, and this might be different for lots of people, I will not to get a facelift, a breast-lift, or any other lift. I chose for myself that it´s important to accept reality for what it is, without fighting it. I try to like my softer skin, my spots, and my wrinkles.

Suffering because I lost my youthful beauty and being adored by men? No way…or maybe a little bit once in a while. I try to fill my life with meaning, purpose, humor, creative projects, lovely people who share my views. Complicated people, worry and exposure to negativity is being limited.

One of the major teachings in Buddhism is: Let go of attachment.

What is attachment?

Loving someone can be an attachment, especially when we are afraid that the loved one will leave us, or when we try to please others to a point where it´s unhealthy.

Attachment can be the illusion of our thinking.

What life should be like
What our families should be like
What our children should be like
What work-situations should be like
What we should be like
What our spouses should be like
What we should look like

The older I get, the more I want to do the things that make me happy and forget about all the “shoulds”.

How Aging Can Be Fun for me

I love to be creative and now I allow myself lots of creativity. Time to paint, time to write, time to mess around, time to dance, time to stare into nothing, time to walk, time to inspire others. As long as I honor this need I feel good.

Allowing myself time for myself and to drop the need to do practical stuff is highly important. Is it easy? No it´s not…because I was trained to not follow my dreams and be practical. Dreams were frivolous. You can´t be an artist, they don´t make enough money, don´t waste your time on great dreams, you could be dissapointed.

Can you relate? Not to point the finger at anybody…. this is what happened to most people. Creativity and dreams did not have a place in the world and creativity and self-expression were forgotten in one of the drawers of life. Creating flocks of unhappy unfulfilled people.

For me that´s the beauty of getting older. To just honor whatever I want to do. Fill life with meaning, express myself, have fun, share what interests me with friends.

I hope this article inspired you!

Below are some people that I find inspiring.

Chris Zydel offers great intuitive painting workshops

Christine Northrup has great tips for aging women

Marianne Williamson inspires me with her story and commitment to help people to a more spiritual life

Brene Brown writes about vulnerability and other great subjects

If you like please leave a comment on how aging can be fun for you!

Making Correct Decisions

Making Correct Decisions is hard. What about You, is it hard for you? Many questions arise, for example what is the correct decision? What is it based on? For whom is it right?

Do you find it confusing to listen to all these inner voices, with each of them having a different opinion? The voice of the mind screams loudly and repeatedly: what I tell you is the correct decision.

“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

Robin S. Sharma

I myself have a very busy mind, I learned to stand aside and just observe the voices. The soft voice of the heart, or intuition, quietly whispers into your ear. The intuition is so soft that it´s hard to hear through the screaming and persistent noise of the mind.

Do you sometimes notice the fight for your attention, when you have to make decisions?

It´s quite interesting to stop and listen to the inner voices.

Do I hear youself say: Voices? I don´t have inner voices? Ok… may I ask you to stop and experiment?

Let´s play a simple little game:

Pretend you want to make a decision, for example where to go for dinner
Now stop and listen to inner dialog.
Can you hear the screaming of the mind?

What does the quiet voice say? Maybe it says: I want hamburger and french fries 🙂 or do you hear it say, maybe we should have a nice organic salad?

Human beings used to listen to the intuition and were much more in tune with the environment, but now the mind is so over-developed that it wants to take over everything…. Ouch, this is a problem.

Nothing against hamburger and fries, sometimes I like to eat it too, but only sometimes:-)

We also used to be very intuitive, because we were in touch with nature and the environment. Somehow through the development of the mind the intuition has disappeared.

But the mind is not the right tool to make decisions, it´s the intuition, the feeling in your gut. Now I´m not saying that the mind is not good for a lot of things. Let´s look at the mind as a mechanical device, like a computer. What does it do?

Analyze
Sort
Research
Compare
Think
Memorize

A few ideas that will be helpful to make correct decision.

The quote that I postet above says it all: The mind is a wonderful servant but a bad master. If we use it as a tool it´s great, if we let it run our life it´s a problem. We are all connected to something greater, some call it the field of consciousness, some call it morphic fields and many other names.

I believe that if we get quiet, relax, trust and open up to this field, the right answer will come. But it does not happen when we think we should have a decision, it happens…. when it happens.

Some of you might frown now and think that this is farfetched… that´s ok. The realist mind is very one-sided 🙂

The best tip to change your life is: listen to your intuition, the little voice or feeling that arises in the heart or in the gut and see how this one thing can change your life.

One of my favorite tools is: trust the universe and practice meditation.

Would you like to try some? The link to the right will take you to some simple, free meditations by Jack Kornfield.

Other tools that I found valuable and yes I use them myself: The mind power course by John Kehoe. There is another powerful, free program, a course in miracles, That was my first transformational course I did 13 years ago and now I´m doing it for the second time.

Oh and one more tip, furious dancing will help your mind to relax and will help the voice of the intuition to surface. By the way, this is my favourite, fun tool to quiet the mind: 5Rhythm dancing by Gabrielle Roth.

Over Sixty, Single and Happy

Hi my lovely friend…in this picture I´m cruising through Amsterdam…That was last year, right now I spend some time with a friend who is constantly searching for the perfect mate and it inspired me to write this article. If you are sixty and single, this might be of interest to you… It´s a bit controversial, because the outside world, media and so on suggest that… It´s not good to be sixty, single and happy.

The more you do the things you love to do….the more the things you love will come to you

That´s my favorite quote and I´m happy to say…at the age of almost 62, I have been single for 10 years and know that it´s possible to be sixty, single and happy. In this article I would like to share my experiences and insights with you. My desire is, to make sure that older women who don´t have a partner feel at ease with the situation and maybe even learn to enjoy single life, one step at a time.

Marita being playful…taking pictures of my foot

walking with fun

Let me start with a little bit of personal history: I was married for 30 years and not very happy. Most of my role models, for example: parents, other family members and friends lived in the same kind of dysfunctional relationships, so I accepted this way of relating as NORMAL. (I´s actually a long, long story, but I don´t want to go into details right now)

Somehow, when my kids were teenagers, things got worse. Eventually the thought popped up: Marita you will die if you don´t get out of this… Needless to say it took me years to listen to this insight, but eventually I had to leave my marriage.

The fear of being alone was terrifying, but I pulled through. Not only had I left my husband, but also my identity as a wife, my familiar family life and some friends. I´m sure that some of you know the story 🙂

Yeah… some people don´t like it when the boat of familiarity is rocked and someone dares to try a new path… I now understand that it´s a good practice to let go of things, people and even illusions, in order to grow. That was 10 years ago, in the meantime I learned to live by myself, to enjoy my own company and to love life.

Now it´s hard to give that up and why should I? Some friends try their matchmaking skills on me and don´t understand that I´m not interested. But that´s ok, because I learned to listen to my intuition and to live my life the way I like it.

The only time it gets unpleasant, is when I´m in an environment with many couples, So…what I do is to avoid situations like this. Sometimes I go but limit my time… that works too. Moments of longing do come up and a wish for romance…but I know that if the universe wants me to be in a relationship it will send someone my way. I don´t really care if that happens and in the meantime my life is filled with nurturing activities, friends and all the things I love to do.

I would like to recommend this program to help you flourish by Christiane Northrup

messing with color, creating crazy spirit art

crazy spirit art

I love 5rythm dancing, I love meditative painting and creating collages, I love doing my visionboard workshops, I love to study human design, I love coaching and I love to eat healthy food and exercise. I love to be crazy and express myself in colorful ways. I love to walk and take pictures of my foot, while I´m walking. I love to ride my bicycle and go on little trips in the countryside. I love to share my findings and inspire people, with my stories. I love to take classes and learn new things and I am eternally curious.

visionboard workshop…so much fun!

visionboard workshop

While in a relationship, I did not do many things that made me happy, I wanted my partner to provide the happiness and fulfillment for me. That did not work…. please do not try it!!

Happiness is something we need to create ourselves. I know it works, I learned how to do it. Try it and change your life!

Maybe you find yourself in a situation where you want to change something.

Are you scared?
Are you confused?
Do you need help?

What do you love to do?

I love to dance 5 Rythms…It´s my moving meditation and it´s fun

Everything Happens for a Reason

What does this mean? I´m sure you have heard quotes like: “what comes around, goes around “or thoughts become things. Buddhists have a word for it and it´s called “Karma”.

When I looked up Karma, I found long, complicated explanations, but I just want to tell you how I understand it in simple words, as a layperson:

After looking into quantum physics and all kinds of spiritual wisdoms, I came to believe that everything is energy and that the energy we feel and express, attracts the same energy back. It´s not always in exactly the same way, but it´s the same energy, like, a magnet attracts metal.

What this can look like in real life

you are angry and start throwing things, screaming at people, even people who have nothing to do with your anger. You know the story, it´s not pretty, but it happens 🙂 Next you fall down the stairs and hurt your ankle, or you get hit by a car, or someone steals your wallet.

To be honest I get into these situations too, but the more aware I become, the less it happens. Here and there I still lose it, especially when I´m tired and feel weak… it´s always interesting to watch the drama evolve.

Simple things you can do right now

Meditation can be very effective, it gives you a second to make a choice, what you want to do next.. react or not react. That´s the most practical result of meditation.

Right now Deepak Chopra offers a free 21 day meditation, which I totally enjoy. There are also great meditations offered by Jon Kabbat Zinn, Jack Kornfield and many other experts. Check a few and then you know which style you like best.

Sometimes you might have changed your way and are trying to do the right things, but still…bad stuff happens. This might be a simple explanation: the so called “karmic wave” sometimes takes time and does not stop right when you are starting to do the “right things”.

Yes, I know it´s frustrating, but with patience and a commitment to be a good person, everything will work out. What also helps is, to not take it personal. There is a beautiful, simple book by Don Miguel Ruiz, called the Four agreements, that helped me a lot.

Let´s not focus on the negative aspect, but on the positive. If you feel loving and happy, you mostly attract good things to you.

What changed my life

How this manifests in my life: Up until my fifties I was often stressed, because of difficult life circumstances. I was not very interested in spirituality, or personal development. My interests evolved around my family, my businesses and just having a “normal life”.

When people roll their eyes at these words like: everything happens for a reason and Karma, I totally get it. But as my life crashed, my personality was so desperate for healing and escaping the pain that I was willing to look at other possibilities.

Today I look back and know that, had I not left my marriage, I would not have learned to love myself and be ok with whatever is going on. I would have not ventured out of my comfort zone to learn new things and to be visible about them. It was my chance to find a creative, fun and courageous Marita.

Somehow I got very interested in intuition, which in combination with meditation and awareness, helped me to experience amazing insights. The more aware I am, the more I understand that life evolves like a puzzle.

First I had no clue how it fits, but eventually all the pieces work together. It´s never exactly what I planned… but I learned to be open to whatever appears, to listen to my intuition and act accordingly, by adjusting course.

This is what I call my little, everyday miracles. It´s a life full of mysteries and I never get bored anymore.

How do you experience everything happens for a reason? I always love to read your comments.

How to let go of Frustration

How to let go of frustration

How to let go of Frustration.

Hello I hope you are well…or did you land here because you are frustrated? Look at my picture that´s how I feel! Steaming of anger and frustration. Today, I’m writing this post because I am totally frustrated 🙂

The funny thing is that I was not planning to write a post about frustration… but let me tell you first what happened. This will prove that the energy of frustration can be turned into something creative.

This morning I went to a coffeeshop to write. First I ordered a lovely cappuccino, sat down, opened my E-Mail and downloaded a document. All was well, until… I cannot open the document, play around for 15 minutes and still can´t do it. So what happens:

Frustrations sets in.
Body gets tense,
Mind gets tense, telling me all kinds of not very kind things.

For example: why did my friend sent me this document in a format that I can´t open with my adobe reader. This cannot be happening, I just want to write, be creative and finish a blogpost. All I´m doing is trying to read this freaking file. Scene: Tension is building, anger is creeping up, can you relate?

Now my mindfulness sets in quietly reasoning : Marita please calm down, it´s just another challenge, take a deep breath and let it go. You can just let go of trying to open the document right now and start writing your post.

Ah, idea is popping up! I will write a blogpost about frustration. Exactly describing my feelings and how I can transform them, that´s fun. Good plan…feeling much better already. My tense face, is turning into a smile, my shallow breathing is turning into a deep belly breath and life is peaceful and fun again.

What exactly did I do to let go of the frustration?

I was conscious or mindful about what was going on in my mind and body.
I thought about one practical thing to that would solve the problem.
I started to talk to myself in a kind way and calm myself down.
I focused on my breathing and deepened it.

The practical thing I did was: I sent an e mail to my friend and asked her to paste the text into a new e mail. Problem solved. Frustration is such a powerful feeling, it comes up a lot and it can spoil the mood and wreck the day. Not only for you but also for everybody who comes in contact with you. Normally if the feeling gets suppressed, it will try to find a way to explode.

For example the next person you talk to might say one thing that upsets you and wow an explosion of unkind words might be unloaded on that person. The result is that you get to feel bad about yourself. All this can be avoided by being conscious about what´s going on inside of you.

What I learned from Human Design in regards to frustration.

I´ve been studying Human Design for a few years. As a generator, which is one of the 4 energy types in Human Design, I learned that I get frustrated whenever I do not respond correctly to a prompt from the outside, my intuition or gut feeling.

So now whenever I get frustrated, I know that I need to take a deep breath, go for a walk, or meditate. Do something that brings me back to myself. It´s a very simple practice that has changed my life. What are your thoughts about frustration?

Coaching and Human Design Work Together

How Coaching and Human Design Work Together

Coaching and Human Design Work Together

How are you? I’m so happy that you are here. Today I would like to share something with you that has been a life-changer for me. Oh, before I forget I would like to wish you a very merry christmas and a happy new year.

My studies and training in personal development and coaching have been extensive and just when I thought I can stop learning for a while, my coach introduced me to Human Design.

He used it in our coaching sessions and I was amazed how it helped me move through some issues that held me back. So now you might want to know….

What is Human Design and how does it work with coaching?

Chetan Parkyn, a human design expert and author of several books on the subject explains it this way: We each have our own unique design — a blueprint of our individual nature. Yet, few of us live in accordance with our Design, because we don’t know what it is. Instead, we try to mold ourselves to the expectations of other people. (That´s where the problem starts)

So the key benefit to knowing your design is that once you know how your energies flow, what your strengths and weaknesses are, you can better work with them, accept your unique nature and be yourself. Of course it will make it easier to accept other people for who they are, too.

You will have access to some simple strategies on how to make decisions according to your type and how to interact with others. It will help you to know which relationships will be good for you and which will be complicated, then you can decide if you chose to hang out with the difficult ones or not.

It will also be beneficial to accept the fact that life is programmed and that your internal navigation system will guide you through it. Now this is a tough one to swallow for some people but for others it´s a relief. I am a fan of 12 step programs and a practitioner of mindfulness and I found that these 3 practices work together in total harmony.

This is about all I want to say about the system and if you would like to know more about it you will find great information at Human Design for us all and Human Design America. I also would like to let you know that I am not a human design expert nor offer professional readings, I simply use elements that have proven to be beneficial for me and my clients in my coaching.

Some practical examples how it works.

First I print out an interesting chart based on name, place, date and time of birth of a person which gives me a lot of information about certain energies in the human being. Some people do not like this, that`s ok, but for the ones who like self-discovery and want to know the truth of how they operate in the world, this is truly an amazing tool.

Let me give you some examples of how it has benefited me. One of my challenges is fluctuating self-worth, I never thought about it and just knew it was there but did not really know how to work with it.

So I learned that it`s not my nature but what I learned while growing up, because most parents and society do not support individuality, they try to mold little people to their standards. So it’s easy for a child to believe that they are not worth anything, they are not lovable, or they always feel that there is something wrong with them. These are called patterns of belief and survival patterns. These are also the internal energies that keep us stuck.
The other important insight was that my energy fluctuates and that it`s very important for my wellbeing to be aware of my energy and not force myself to do things when the energy is not there, but fully utilize it when it’s there. I have to be aware of my flow not only for me but for my environment, because when my energy is off I mess up your flow. So I have some responsibility 🙂
I have some energies that work as a catalyst for others, meaning that when people are around me or work with me….out of the blue they open up to stuck energies, now this might sound a bit weird, but I notice it more and more.
The last one I want to mention is a huge creative energy which has to be shared with the others. Most of my life I was very closed and did not share myself, but since I started my journey of self-discovery I started to open up and the more I open up and share my findings the more fulfilled I feel.
Oh, here is one more…I am all over the place that means I am jumping from one idea to the next one excitement to the next, one task to the next and I thought I have to be concentrated and do one thing at a time. Knowing this has opened up new opportunities because I can accept that my energies work like this, but I can also learn how to be effective when I`m all over the place.

This is it for now, I could go on forever, but I just wanted to give you a taste. This information has been life changing and I am forever grateful to my coach and trainer Dave Buck, CEO of Coachville to use Human Design in our coaching sessions.

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

Hello my sweet friends….. How are you? I hope you are enjoying the warm balmy weather, I sure am and I'm so glad you are here, let me guess…. you must be close to turning 60 or just turned 60 or maybe close to the occasion?

How does that make you feel?

I turned 60 a few weeks ago…… There is a wide variety of feelings connected to aging, but no matter how you feel about it, you do not have a choice, like it or not, you can't change the fact. A few lucky "angels" find it easy, while it’s a visit into the abyss for others.

For some it’s the realization of….. oh my god, my skin is sagging, I hate those bumps… and the next action is to call a surgeon and get liposuction, a facelift, or maybe the famous breast lift….. Can you relate?

I can… it was a big decision to let my hair turn gray, which I had dyed blonde for 10 years. About 2 years ago I had enough of running away from age and of soaking chemicals into my skin. I asked my hairdresser for moral support, which he gracisously did….. so I got my hair cut very short and let it go gray over the course of six months.

It was a stretch, but now I love it. I wear a bit more makeup, more colorful clothes and fun jewelry.

Acceptance is such a huge help with anything in life….. have you heard the saying?

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” Carl Gustav Jung

The other difficult experience was….. when I noticed white patches all over my body and face…. I actually panicked. These spots were familiar to me, my mother and grandfather had them. It’s called vitiligo, a skin condition, where areas of the skin don’t pigment any more.

Not really that bad, but I freaked out, I thought…. oh my god I don’t want this, this can’t be true. Unfortunately my complaint and shock did not help. The fact is: I have it, it will not go away and there is no treatment.

When this sank in I started to be grateful, that it’s only that and not a life threatening disease. The next thought was ok, I better accept it, because the resistance of not wanting it was very painful and it made me feel insane, yes… like "ouch" 🙂

To minimize the contrast in skin color, I stay out of the sun, wear tinted sun lotion, a hat, long sleeves and it’s fine..

A friend of mine actually said, Marita you are beautiful with your spots, why do you think you have to be perfect, just love yourself the way you look and are. That was candy for my soul….. ( I love my friend) 🙂

Now of course….. looks are not the only thing that need to be adjusted. What about attitude? For me getting older means that I look at myself more closely and every day I ask myself a few questions.

Who do I want to be?
What’s most important?
What do I want to do in the world?
Who do I want to hang out with?
Is this really what I want?
Is this good for me?
What simple thing can I do to make this world a better place?

When I was still married, I used to be afraid of being alone…. now I love it. Somehow it just happened, the more I like myself the way I am, the more I enjoy my company. What am I doing different now?

I hang out with positive people,
I Do things I enjoy
Go on little adventures
Hang out with people who are positive and nourishing
Exercise and eat healthy food
Laugh a lot
Listen to my needs

I also noticed that it feels good to express my uniqueness instead of trying to fit into the small box of what others want me to be like….. So why not get a crazy haircut, a tattoo, or maybe wear some wild clothes? Why not……have deep conversation, even if most people don't understand it. Why not say that you can start a new life with 60, or finally live out your passsion. Why not???

Would you allow yourself to do that? Ask yourself the question: What is one thing that you always wanted to do? And then....would you allow yourself to do it?

Please let me know what’s helping you to accept reality, be happy, be grateful, age well and be fabulous, I love you sisters….. and I love to read your to read your comments 🙂

How to Recover From People Pleasing

How to Recover From People Pleasing

Hello my friends, I hope all is well in your world…. Lately I've been thinking about people pleasing and I wonder… what’s your thought on it? Are you trying to please people and do things that you do not really want to do and it makes you feel burnt out?

Below a quote by Jim Carrey

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”

During the last 10 years, while going through a very tough time in my life, I started getting involved in Alanon and other personal development and transformational programs, where I came across a lot of people pleasers….. or very nice people who don't want want to be nice all the time.

To be perfectly honest, I am one myself, actually now I'm a “people pleaser in recovery”. The fact is that extensive people pleasing has cost me my self expression, self worth, creativity and my aliveness…. Not being true to myself has made me very resentful, passive aggressive and turned me into a martyr……..oh no.

The good news is that I was fortunate enough to be willing to learn about this habit, recognize it as a pattern, that has served me for a while and then I could set strategies in place to practice healthier ways of being and doing. Now… the good news….. anybody can do it!

Since then things have gotten a lot better…. Of course it’s a lifelong practice and these survival patterns don’t go away, but with awareness you can chose; Do you want to be authentic, or do you want to be a people pleaser. They say it takes about 21 days of practicing new behavior to change a pattern.

Simple examples of people pleasing.

Someone asks you….would you help me with this project? You have no desire to do so and no time, but you find yourself saying yes. Always saying yes, when you mean no.
Your boss asks you to work on the weekend and you don’t want to do it but you say yes.
Your friend wants to go to the movies with you, you are tired and don’t feel like it, but you say yes.
Someone is aggressive and instead of standing up for yourself, you say nothing to avoid conflict.
Always putting other people’s needs before yours. Manipulating a situation in order to be nice……ouch 🙂

In some cases, people pleasing is almost like an addiction, constantly needing to be needed.” This is a way to derive a fake sense of self worth, by constantly getting yourself into situations where you feel needed.

Can you relate to any of these points? If yes you might be a people pleaser. Human beings who are always sweet, nice and helpful, but inside they feel burnt out, resentful and taken advantage of. Yes, sometimes it gets so bad that you become sick and can’t function anymore. If you don't refill the well, it will dry out.

How to recover from people pleasing

Know yourself and be aware of your needs
Learn to ask for what you want
Set boundaries with others
Practice radical self care
Get into a support group and/or work with a coach
Journal about what's going on in your life

Know that this is a pattern that you started in childhood, it served you for a while, but at one point in life, it’s not working anymore. That’s the time to practice something new. It has been proven that by practicing new behavior, you can actually create new neural pathways in the brain.

Anything “new” feels uncomfortable, just like new shoes, you can just accept that and do it anyway, until it feels normal. Start on a new path, a life of freedom to express yourself and your needs. You can do it! If you need help ask for help, it’s easier and more fun with help.

PS. When I learned about human design, I discovered some very simple reasons why I react the way I react, how I can chose to accept certain things and with awareness… practice different behavior.

It has helped me find answers to some of the deep questions I had. For example, having an open solarplexus and heart center conditions me to question my self worth, by always thinking there is something wrong with me and the need to prove myself. Do you have that too sometimes?

I found out that I don't have to prove myself, it's just something that I learned growing up. Knowing that if I get to know and accept myself the way I am, I can enjoy peace and the freedom to express myself fully.

The process can be played like a game….Oh look what I discovered about myself….oh I just used a new pattern and it did not feel good but I did it…….

Just in case you would like to know what human design is: In short it's a system that helps you find out about who you are, your uniqueness in the world, your life path, how you can make the right decisions and the promise that if you live true to your design you will live a great life.

Are you ready for that? Try an exploratory session with me, it's my gift to you.

Click the contact tab and connect with me, or message me on facebook.

Now have fun with it and please let me know your thoughts, I love to connect with you.

What is Creativity Anyway?

What is Creativity Anyway?

Hi Marita here…. I came across this article by Ian Philips and found it very interesting. Working as a coach I noticed that one of the essential keys in order to live happy, peaceful, fulfilled lives is: to be authentic and express who YOU are. To express your creativity is a way of expressing your gift. Sounds very simple doesn't it? Well unfortunately it's not, but it can be practiced.

The question is: "What inspires you to create?" Using your creativity does not mean you have to be artists. "Every day" creativity is expressed when you cook, or talk, how you dress. It can be expressed through gardening or how you decorate your homes. Even sports can be a great way to express creativity and of course there are many more ways.

As long as you are immersed in the activity and find joy…………. you are creative…. the key is to dare to "be it and do it", it's a life purpose… Enjoy the article!

"Creativity is our gift from god, using it is our gift to god" Julia Cameron

Have you ever had the thought, "I'm not creative. I can't even draw a straight line"? If so, you're not alone. Many people think that there is some essential relationship between creativity and the ability to make art. If they can't paint like Picasso, sing like Josh Groban, or sculpt like Henry Moore, they don't dare claim to be creative. It feels like an arrogant thing to say about yourself, if you're not an expert, not making a living from your creations, not well-known and publicly acclaimed for your imaginative gifts.

Why, when creativity is our very birthright, do so few of us feel creative? Why, when we're asked to think of someone creative, do we rarely think about ourselves, but of the public figures that have defined creativity over the years? We think of Monet, Mozart, Jackson Pollack, Martha Graham, Ansel Adams, always the figureheads, when the real truth is that every one of us is a born creator. That's the hallmark of being human: the ability to create, to turn something invisible into something visible, to forge a poem out of a feeling or a song out of a sorrow.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, says that creativity doesn't happen in our heads but in the interaction between our imagination and our social context. It's a matter of experience and response, a matter of relationship to others and a commentary on the significance of our encounters. Creativity is the vivid expression of who we are in the world–our imagination begets our thoughts, our thoughts beget our words, our words beget our actions, our actions beget our experience, our collective experience and expression begets our culture. Each of us is contributing to the creation of the cultures we participate in.

The world is not divided into two groups of the creative and the uncreative. If there's a distinction, it's between those who are creatively productive and those with unexpressed potential. We're creative by default. We're genetically predisposed to create. Each of us, to varying degrees, is intrinsically motivated to create, to be original and to solve challenging problems. The question to ask is not, "Am I creative?" but rather, "What inspires me to create?"

Personal creativity is not about intelligence or information. It's about inspiration, from the Latin spiritus, meaning "breath, courage, the soul." Creativity is about being fully alive, living courageously, or as the painter Joan Miro´ says, "Expressing with precision all the gold sparks the soul gives off." When is the last time you felt fully alive? What is it that calls forth your courage and trumps your fear of sharing your soul? Knowing this is the key to discovering the creativity that is waiting to be expressed through you.alive, living courageously, or as the painter Joan Miro´ says, "Expressing with precision all the gold sparks the soul gives off." When is the last time you felt fully alive? What is it that calls forth your courage and trumps your fear of sharing your soul? Knowing this is the key to discovering the creativity that is waiting to be expressed through you.

…….I hope this article was useful. Now I will inspire you to use some very basic tools to get into the creative zone.

Morning pages are a great meditation and very simple, all you do is: write 3 pages freestyle, whatever comes up and do this every morning. The only rule is not to think and not to edit. It's a way of getting all the rubbish out of your head, that prevents you from doing what you love to do.

Here is a sample of my morning pages: I hear the birds singing, oh I forgot to buy coffee, this woman really bothered me, I cannot believe she said that. Oh my god I don't want to judge people, but I don't care, I think I need another cup of coffee, I can write what I want. Somehow my nose is itching, this is such a beautiful song on the radio, I feel like dancing, it reminds of when I was on one of my beach walks………The beach is so beautiful, I miss the beach, I should have gone to the beach more often. Sometimes I like to write………….there is a big pile of stuff on my desk, why do I get so messy, oh well, right now I just write.

Try it, it's one of my favorite practices, I get addicted to it…

How do YOU express your creativity? Please leave a comment, it's always great to hear what YOU have to say.