Making Correct Decisions

Making Correct Decisions is hard. What about You, is it hard for you? Many questions arise, for example what is the correct decision? What is it based on? For whom is it right?

Do you find it confusing to listen to all these inner voices, with each of them having a different opinion? The voice of the mind screams loudly and repeatedly: what I tell you is the correct decision.

“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”

Robin S. Sharma

I myself have a very busy mind, I learned to stand aside and just observe the voices. The soft voice of the heart, or intuition, quietly whispers into your ear. The intuition is so soft that it´s hard to hear through the screaming and persistent noise of the mind.

Do you sometimes notice the fight for your attention, when you have to make decisions?

It´s quite interesting to stop and listen to the inner voices.

Do I hear youself say: Voices? I don´t have inner voices? Ok… may I ask you to stop and experiment?

Let´s play a simple little game:

Pretend you want to make a decision, for example where to go for dinner
Now stop and listen to inner dialog.
Can you hear the screaming of the mind?

What does the quiet voice say? Maybe it says: I want hamburger and french fries 🙂 or do you hear it say, maybe we should have a nice organic salad?

Human beings used to listen to the intuition and were much more in tune with the environment, but now the mind is so over-developed that it wants to take over everything…. Ouch, this is a problem.

Nothing against hamburger and fries, sometimes I like to eat it too, but only sometimes:-)

We also used to be very intuitive, because we were in touch with nature and the environment. Somehow through the development of the mind the intuition has disappeared.

But the mind is not the right tool to make decisions, it´s the intuition, the feeling in your gut. Now I´m not saying that the mind is not good for a lot of things. Let´s look at the mind as a mechanical device, like a computer. What does it do?

Analyze
Sort
Research
Compare
Think
Memorize

A few ideas that will be helpful to make correct decision.

The quote that I postet above says it all: The mind is a wonderful servant but a bad master. If we use it as a tool it´s great, if we let it run our life it´s a problem. We are all connected to something greater, some call it the field of consciousness, some call it morphic fields and many other names.

I believe that if we get quiet, relax, trust and open up to this field, the right answer will come. But it does not happen when we think we should have a decision, it happens…. when it happens.

Some of you might frown now and think that this is farfetched… that´s ok. The realist mind is very one-sided 🙂

The best tip to change your life is: listen to your intuition, the little voice or feeling that arises in the heart or in the gut and see how this one thing can change your life.

One of my favorite tools is: trust the universe and practice meditation.

Would you like to try some? The link to the right will take you to some simple, free meditations by Jack Kornfield.

Other tools that I found valuable and yes I use them myself: The mind power course by John Kehoe. There is another powerful, free program, a course in miracles, That was my first transformational course I did 13 years ago and now I´m doing it for the second time.

Oh and one more tip, furious dancing will help your mind to relax and will help the voice of the intuition to surface. By the way, this is my favourite, fun tool to quiet the mind: 5Rhythm dancing by Gabrielle Roth.

Why is it Liberating to Let Go?

Brrrr it´s cold outside….what a wonderful time to sit comfortably by the window in a warm cheerful café and write an article to YOU. Sharing my lessons, insights and experiences is my passion and if it helps someone, it makes me happy.

Right now my theme is "letting go". Well…to be honest it has been my theme for a long time, but I did not pay attention to it until I was 50. Until then, I wanted everything my way and letting things go was not an option. Growing up, I learned to control and manipulate things, not to let go. Sounds familiar?

But that was a while ago…now at 61, I can accept that at times, I need to let something, or someone go. Yes even people…Sometimes I know that certain people who irritate me, are teachers for me, meaning that there must be a lesson in what´s causing the irritation.

These days, I try to accept the lesson, but limit contact with the “teachers,” well maybe that´s not totally true. I chose to keep in contact with some close family members, but that´s a different story, maybe a different article 🙂

What letting go means to me

A friend asked me, how I could move from a beautiful place like San Francisco to Aachen, Germany. My answer was: I listen to my gut feeling, my intuition and when I feel the urge to make a change, I do it.

I could be sad and depressed, that I live in a less glamorous place, can´t walk on the beach looking at the Pacific anymore, not marvel at the beauty of the incredible nature in California and so on. I do miss it, but I understand that life changes are neccessary. Same with the houses we owned, the life we had, the family that´s gone. I always have a choice to accept reality, or to suffer.

Letting go means not to suffer

Suffering is no fun, believe me I suffered most of my life, I know what it feels like….Letting go is not a passive state, like putting up with something and feeling like a victim. No, it´s active and it´s hard to explain, it´s something that does not come from the mind, but from a deeper place inside, it comes from the heart.

Below are some quotes about Letting Go

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
Steve Maraboli

“If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”
C. Joy Bell

How you can get help with letting go

My experience with letting go was kind of miraculous, I did not make it happen, something inside of me let go and that was it. The more I learned to trust the universe, god or a higher power, the more I could let go of stuff. Yes sometimes I miss things, but it´s not suffering, it´s like having a sentimental moment.

Self-reflection, Meditation and anonymous programs are great to learn to accept and let go.
Therapy and personal Development is helpful
Reflecting to people who understand can help and coaching can help.
But first start with a wish to do something different and watch the miracle happen.

I hope this was helpful and if you would like to share your experience with letting go, please leave a comment. We always love to read them.

How to Calm the Monkey Mind

how to calm the monkey mind

How are you? I hope you are safe and warm wherever you are, brrrr it´s getting cold in Germany. How wonderful to sit in a comfy little cafe and write an article for you. Lately I´ve heard a lot of people complain about monkey mind so I thought it´s a good topic for today.

What exactly is the meaning of monkey mind?

Good old Wikipedia comes up with this: Mind monkey or monkey mind, from Chinese xinyuan and Sino Japanese shin'en 心猿 [lit. “heart-/mind-monkey”], is a Buddhist term meaning "unsettled; restless; capricious; whimsical; fanciful; inconstant; confused; indecisive; uncontrollable".

The Huffington Post wrote an excellent article about the phenomenon. (just click the blue link)

A practical example of how I experience monkey mind in my daily life:

Thoughts jump from one thought to the next in spirals and in circles. There is no way to stop them, they seem to have a life of their own. When life is calm, they are manageable but beware when life gets difficult and chaotic. They speed up, go into chaos and drive me into confusion, making it impossible to calm the thoughts.

What to do when you feel all over the Place.

My head hurts and I can´t come up with any useful decisions or solutions to problems, because there are 5000 of them at the same time. Sometimes it´s so distressing that I want to hit my head against a wall. (Of course I don´t do this any more, but I used to 🙂

They take over every minute of my life, even at times when I should rest and sleep, they jump at me and torture me. Do you think I´m a bit exaggerating? No, no I´m not.

Can you relate to this?
Does it happen to you too?

Please leave a comment at the end of the post, with your monkey mind experience. Your personal experiences are extremely valuable for me and other readers.

Now let´s come to some solutions on how to calm the monkey mind.

Walking in Nature

Just go out into nature and breathe in the fresh air, be mindful, look at the sky, listen to the birds, the trees. Notice everything around you:

What does it smell like?
What do you hear?
What do you see?

The mind can only do one thing at a time. It can notice what´s happening at this moment, or it can think. So it´s simple to give the mind a chore to prevent it from thinking chaotic thoughts. It also helps to consciously focus on taking some deep breathing into your belly, while you walk,

Meditate

Meditation is another effective way to calm the monkey mind. There a several ways to do it. These are my favorite ones: I love to do guided, sitting meditation. For example, Jack Kornfield, Deepak Chopra, Jon Kabat Zinn offer some great simple and free meditations on their sites. (Click the blue links). Just sit on a chair or a cushion and listen. Easy, easy, nothing to think about, nothing to do, just sit and observe what´s going on.

It was very hard for me to start with meditation, so I signed up for a 6 week course: meditation for beginners. I had to go there and meditate with others, which was very helpful to gently establish a habit. Deepak Chopra for example offers a wonderful 21 day meditation practice, which I find very beautiful.

Do something creative

Creating art, collages, paintings, music, writing are all great methods to calm the mind and bring joy and fulfilment into life. I love to create vision boards and collages, it´s no mess, you do not need expensive supplies, artistic talents or technical knowledge. You just cut out images from magazines, calendars, books, posters, arrange the images on a poster board and enjoy the meditative process of being creative.

When you are caught in a melancholic mood, (a nicer word for depressed), it sometimes helps to just sit down and let your creative juices flow. The emphasis is not on getting a nice result, but to get your feelings out of your mind. Julia Cameron´s: The Artist Way is a great book , which can help you to get in touch with your creative side. Also Chris Zydel from Creative Juices Arts, offers great courses, offline and online.

Ok dear friend that´s it for today. I wish you a warm, cozy and calm holiday season and hope these few tips will help you keep your sanity before the holidays. Stay calm!

As a coach I love to support clients to bring out the best in them, to live fulfilled, selfexpressed, successful, joyful lives.

Blessings Marita

Buddhist teacher, Mingyur Rinpoche explains how to train Our Monkey Mind

We can change the World

Has the world gone crazy?

Today is a sad day for me and many of my friends. Freedom, goodness, intelligence, wisdom are important to me and I feel that all this is threatened by the dark cloud of Donald Trump. I will go to my beautiful cathedral and meditate for something good to come out of this. Why would anybody vote for someone like this? Looking at lots of articles, media and posts on Facebook, I learned that they are fed up with politicians. They don´t trust them anymore, voting for Donald Trump is an act of desperation.

Germany is my country of origin, which still is over-shadowed by Nazi history. Hitler came to power because people believed he would relieve their suffering, create jobs, and give them food. Well he did that… but at what price?? I tried to escape the shaddow and moved to San Francisco in 1979, where I spent good years and met many great people over the years… What really scares me right now is, how ignorant and narrow minded some parts of the country are. There are similarities between the Hitler and Trump. Some people say that´s crazy, but I do not think so:-)

What is going on right now?

Humanity seems to be in chaos, the old ways are not working anymore, but people are not ready for something new. The system is trying to keep us in fear…only fearful people can be manipulated. Yes change is hard, but life is change and it cannot be stopped, without rotting the system and rotten it is. Not only in America!

Our world is being ruled by money interests and those money interests are ruling politics. War makes money, people are kept in fear, so they support their wars. The government keeps people uneducated and ignorant, so they can be manipulated easier. Give folks a TV, a couch and beer, to shut them up and keep them numb and dumb.

Meanwhile we are poisoned by toxic foods coming from China and companies like Monsanto. Nestle is bottling tap water, selling it for lots of money and nobody is doing anything to stop them. America still allows prison labour, otherwise there is not enough work, CEOs are overpaid and hardworking people earn too little. Education is too expensive, healthcare is not affordable for many people, prices are rising and income does not keep up. Someone like Bernie Sanders actually has the guts to openly talk about these facts, but unfortunately he is not a candidate. Sorry, I just had to vent…

Change your mind change your life

Now let´s focus on what we can change.

I noticed that there is something missing in the way we are brought up. We learn that we have to compete, to be the lone wolfs, to have to achieve everything by ourselves, to not ask for help, to be perfect and invulnerable. We learn that stuff and money will makes up happy. We learn to fit into a box and then forget that we are in the box. The big illusion of “consumerism” will not make us happy.

People who think in WE not ME, will change the world. Human beings are tribal beings, it´s time to go back to that. What can we do to change that? Spirituality, no I do not mean organized religion… Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives, below is an interpretation that I like.

In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all.

What has helped me

My own life has changed, the moment I was introduced to spirituality, through 12 step programs. It has changed my life. I used to be arrogant, self-centred, angry and felt like a victim. Self-medication, alcohol and shopping gave me a false sense of well-being. Life was mostly drama and gossiping about others. This is how most humans live, it´s not good. Getting in touch with spirituality has given me happiness and a purpose in life that is beyond just looking out for myself.

Finding a way to be fulfilled that is not about the money, the position, the education, the designer labels. The new happy is: who I am as a human being and what I can give to my environment. The contribution can be small, for example to smile at people, to hear them, to be there for them. I make a difference by not consuming too much, by buying organic food. By reducing the plastic I use.

Anything that produces negativity I stay away from, no news, no TV, no toxic people. Alcohol is not a part of my life anymore, because I like and accept the way I am and do not need to numb myself anymore. If I would have learned all this earlier, life would have been better for my kids, my family, friends and everybody who crossed my way.

But that was not the case and I forgive myself… Just in case you wonder why I´m writing all this: If we all would have access to this kind of transformation, we would change the world. If most people would act from the heart and not from fear and superrealism all would be different.

How To Stay Positive In A Negative Environment

Who says that the financial system have to be the way they are? They were set into place by bankers, a few hundred years ago, they can be changed. The stock market is part of the problem. It´s time for something different. For the time being I will meditate and pray for a miracle.

What do you think? I love to read your comments.

Everything Happens for a Reason

What does this mean? I´m sure you have heard quotes like: “what comes around, goes around “or thoughts become things. Buddhists have a word for it and it´s called “Karma”.

When I looked up Karma, I found long, complicated explanations, but I just want to tell you how I understand it in simple words, as a layperson:

After looking into quantum physics and all kinds of spiritual wisdoms, I came to believe that everything is energy and that the energy we feel and express, attracts the same energy back. It´s not always in exactly the same way, but it´s the same energy, like, a magnet attracts metal.

What this can look like in real life

you are angry and start throwing things, screaming at people, even people who have nothing to do with your anger. You know the story, it´s not pretty, but it happens 🙂 Next you fall down the stairs and hurt your ankle, or you get hit by a car, or someone steals your wallet.

To be honest I get into these situations too, but the more aware I become, the less it happens. Here and there I still lose it, especially when I´m tired and feel weak… it´s always interesting to watch the drama evolve.

Simple things you can do right now

Meditation can be very effective, it gives you a second to make a choice, what you want to do next.. react or not react. That´s the most practical result of meditation.

Right now Deepak Chopra offers a free 21 day meditation, which I totally enjoy. There are also great meditations offered by Jon Kabbat Zinn, Jack Kornfield and many other experts. Check a few and then you know which style you like best.

Sometimes you might have changed your way and are trying to do the right things, but still…bad stuff happens. This might be a simple explanation: the so called “karmic wave” sometimes takes time and does not stop right when you are starting to do the “right things”.

Yes, I know it´s frustrating, but with patience and a commitment to be a good person, everything will work out. What also helps is, to not take it personal. There is a beautiful, simple book by Don Miguel Ruiz, called the Four agreements, that helped me a lot.

Let´s not focus on the negative aspect, but on the positive. If you feel loving and happy, you mostly attract good things to you.

What changed my life

How this manifests in my life: Up until my fifties I was often stressed, because of difficult life circumstances. I was not very interested in spirituality, or personal development. My interests evolved around my family, my businesses and just having a “normal life”.

When people roll their eyes at these words like: everything happens for a reason and Karma, I totally get it. But as my life crashed, my personality was so desperate for healing and escaping the pain that I was willing to look at other possibilities.

Today I look back and know that, had I not left my marriage, I would not have learned to love myself and be ok with whatever is going on. I would have not ventured out of my comfort zone to learn new things and to be visible about them. It was my chance to find a creative, fun and courageous Marita.

Somehow I got very interested in intuition, which in combination with meditation and awareness, helped me to experience amazing insights. The more aware I am, the more I understand that life evolves like a puzzle.

First I had no clue how it fits, but eventually all the pieces work together. It´s never exactly what I planned… but I learned to be open to whatever appears, to listen to my intuition and act accordingly, by adjusting course.

This is what I call my little, everyday miracles. It´s a life full of mysteries and I never get bored anymore.

How do you experience everything happens for a reason? I always love to read your comments.

How to Have More Fun in Business

how to have more fun in business

How to Have More Fun in Business

How are you? The picture above is me in my former design-business. It looks like I need to learn how to have more fun in business 🙂

Today I would like to share a few thoughts about this subject. I admit that I suffer from taking everthing too serious myself and these simple strategies help me very much.

If you can answer the 2 question below with a yes, this post will help you to bring more playfulness and fun into your life.

Do you sometimes feel that everything you do for your business is a “drag”?
Do you catch yourself complaining, that life and business are too serious?

Have you noticed yourself say: I have to work on my game, I have to work on my fitness, I have to work on my drawing, I have to work on my hobbies…….it´s always: I have to work on……

Now… how can you have more fun in business and in life?

This is what I experience: if I change my attitude and bring more playfulness into work and life, I feel a lot happier and less resistant to what I do. I actually enjoy my business tasks a lot more.

Below is a sample of what I sense in my body, after saying certain things.

When I say I have to: I notice heaviness, dread and I immediately resistance to the action.
When I say I would like to: I feel light and neutral about it and no resistance comes up.

Resistance is the key factor in feeling bad or good about something…Pema Chodron, one of my favourite authors said:

When the resistance is gone, so are the demons

Start by changing your words:

I would like to spend more time doing this,
I enjoy….
I allow myself…

If you cannot change your work, partner, life situation, business, politics, right now, whatever it is that you don´t like, or have control over. There is one thing you can do, that will make you feel happier, more peaceful and powerful. You can always change your attitude.

Instead of complaining, you can talk about it in in a more playful, positive way. This simple action, will help you feel happier and lighter right away. Yes it´s actually a very simple, life changing strategy that you can implement right now. YES…YOU TOO 🙂

How can you be more playful at work?

Don´t complain
Use positive words when you talk about your chores.
Be aware of how and what you think, say and how it makes you feel
Try to do new things
Change the routine
Try to do things in a different way
Smile more

Just experiment with this "new way of being and doing" for few days and notice the difference. Please remember that it takes practice and patience to implement new behaviour and please… be gentle with yourself.

A simple meditation routine can help you to improve your awareness. click the link below for a simple meditation

Mindfulness at work by Jon Kabat-Zinn

If you have more tips, or feedback please leave a comment below, I always love to read them.

Fear of Success?

fear of success

Fear of Success?

You want success, but then something inside of you does not want success… .Fear of success comes up when you try something new and most of the time, this fear prevents you from doing the things you love to do. Have you noticed this conflict inside of you?

Scenario: This is what it looks like in my life: I am gung- ho to move ahead with something, a new project, something kind of scary. For example, I am planning to go to a new networking event, meet new people, create a new event, call someone important, ask for help…

What I sense in my body:

A weird feeling of unease in my belly, or solar plexus.
A "voice" inside of my head saying: oh you don´t really want to do this, it´s too scary, what if it goes wrong, it takes too much energy, people will not like it, you are too old, you don´t really want this anyway.

And on it goes…The strange thing is, this might be the very thing you want in life: to be successful with something you love to do, but the "voice" does not want to help you do it. The "voice" wants to keep you safe.

All this is happening automatically and it´s not logical. The "voice" is the old part of the brain, which wants to protect you from getting eaten by bears and dinosaurs. This is the the reptilian, or nimbic part of the brain. It does not know that most of us, especially in the western world, do not have to fight with bears and dinosaurs any more 🙂

Trying to do a new thing means: reptilian brain is on high alert… there might be a bear out there. Yeah it sounds pretty funny, but actually this "voice" is very successful at talking us out of trying anything new, with the result:

Nothing happens,
No dreams get realized,
No goals get achieved, just the same old, safe, unfulfilling life.

What can you do? You can face the fear…and you can try these 4 simple tips to help you act in spite the fear of success.

Awareness is the first step. Just by being aware of your voice and the feelings in your body, you can feel the fear and chose to act anyway. It will not feel good the first time, but the more you do it the easier it will be.

Simple example: When I started with social media and online marketing 2009, I wanted to post a tweet on Twitter. I was scared to death, somehow I thought everybody on Twitter will look at this and think, oh what a stupid thing to say….But eventually I overcame the fear and posted the tweet….now it´s routine. I had the same fear with writing articles, creating and posting videos, doing interviews, approaching new people.

To be honest, anything outside of the routine is still difficult, but now I have ways to help me over the resistance.

After being aware, it´s helpful to visualize what you want and create little reminders of your dreams and goals. For example a visionboard is a great tool to remind you of what you really want in life, it´s also fun to create one. I will post some videos about: How to create a visionboard, at the end of the post.
Create a mastermind group: 3 to 5 people in your inner circle who know about your dreams and goals and will remind you. Make sure they are people who want to help you to succeed and believe in you. It´s a good idea to talk to them about your resistance and fear of success, so they are fully aware of it and can help you through. There is no easy way… the fact is there is fear and it does not feel good, but the only way out is through.
Create a list of affirmations and simple sentences that will remind you of what you want to achieve, write them on little cards, set reminders on your phone, on the wall, on the bathroom mirror, in your purse. It sounds a little simple minded, but these simple affirmations help.

If you need more help, get a coach! Someone who will help you through the walls of resistance. Someone who recognizes your full potential and knows how to help you realize it.

And last not least, just have fun with the process, enjoy it! Enjoy even the difficult parts! Yes you can!!!

Please leave a comment if you would like to share your ideas, if you like this post, or even if you don´t like this post.

Written with love

Marita

How To Make A Vision Board – To Attract The Perfect Relationship

Easy Vision Board Meditation

Click here for more articles about visionboards

How to Improve your Personal Environment

How to Improve your Personal Environment

Hello again, I hope you are well and enjoying your life. Right now nature is exploding with delicate green buds, days are getting longer, the sun is warming up the ground, birds are chirping away. What a wonderful time of the year.

Spring is always a great time for a nice cleaning, not just the cleaning of your home but also looking at your relationships, bodies, mind and spirit. In this blogpost we look at your physical environment. The next blogpost will be about your body and appearance.

It´s a great opportunity to evaluate what works and what does not work in your immediate environment, the result will be increased life energy for the things you want to do and to help you create the life you love

Your physical environment

Let´s look at your home and workspace:

Are you happy with the way your home and office looks and feels?

No matter what the answer is, just start with a nice cleaning, use a good environmentally safe cleaner, with essential oils to make it more pleasant. Open the windows to let in fresh air, put on your favourite music and let´s start. While you do this, look at everything and ask yourself the following questions.

Is there any clutter that makes you feel bad, but you ignore it?
Are there repairs that you just do not get around to?
Is anything missing?
Anything that can be let go of?

Yeah, it´s amazing how much stuff gets accumulated but, do you need it all? Probably not. What I really love is the Feng Shui principle that when empty space gets created, the void will attract something new into your life. What a wonderful concept that always helps me to let go of stuff.

Broken things and messes drain your energy. Yes it´s true… you just have to be aware and mindful of how you feel and what gives energy and what takes energy. Practicing mindfulness or being aware of everything inside and outside yourself is a huge part of living a happy, fulfilled life.

Try a little experiment and see how it makes you feel, give it your total awareness. Clean up something, fix something or get rid of something and feel the energy in your body.

How does it feel?
What changed?
Do you have more energy?

One more practical tip: I always have 2 bags and one box around, one bag for stuff to give away, one bag for garbage and a box for stuff that I do not really need but still want to hang on to. I list the items on the box and put a date on. If I have not needed it after a year I go through again and might want to let it go. This is an ongoing process and it´s real fun.

Here are two example from my life

I broke the glass container of my blender about 6 months ago. Somehow it really bothered me that I had to buy a new one. Sure I tried to go to some local shops to buy it but it was not available. One salesperson gave me the website to order the part…that was about 4 months ago.

Despite the many occasions where I needed a blender and feeling bad about not doing it, I still have not gotten around to it. Last week I started a detox and really needed one, so I finally ordered it online. I cannot tell you how good that felt, not to have to think about the blender anymore, it freed up energy for other things.

Another little example for fixing something: When my internet was installed the cable guy needed to install a new jack, but they were only allowed to connect the cables coming out of the wall, so the jack was just hanging there.

I had to get my handyman to install it, which took me about 7 months and I finally did it this months. The joy I felt after it was done was exhilarating. Now I can walk by this part of the room and feel good. Before there was always the nagging thought: Marita this looks sloppy, get it fixed, why don´t you do it?

The feeling after something is done is fabulous and I never understand why it took me so long. Does this happen to you? Let me know if this was helpful? Do you have a good tip you would like to share? Please leave a comment.

Ps: Some ideas in this post are inspired by the world power method of my wonderful school Coachville New York

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-Doubt

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-Doubt

Hi my friend how are you? Finally the days are getting longer, sunrays are warming up the air, trees are budding, birds are chirping and colourful flowers are popping up everywhere. Hooray it`s spring…. a new beginning.

I just spent some time in California, my old place of residency. When I arrived back in Germany I was greeted with rain and very cold weather. It felt like being thrown from heaven into a dark cold place…. no I will not call it hell, my German friends would not like it 🙂

Maybe the fowl weather propelled me into a deep trance of self-doubt and melancholy, but I sure tumbled into it. Something happened…. my intuition lead me to a book by Richard Rudd called the Gene Keys. After being a student of human design for a few years, I wanted to dive deeper into the material and look at it from a different point of view. I found this chapter about self-doubt fascinating and would like to share a few aspects.

I am not writing this to talk about human design or the Gene Keys and will not get into it deeper. It just helped me transform my attack of self-doubt, which sometimes totally takes me out of the game for a while. I´m sure you can relate and if you struggle with self-doubt this information might be very helpful.

Self-Doubt is born when you cannot relate with the wonder of your imagination and intuition and your focus is on logic and heavy thinking. Doubt can be very helpful in some aspects, like science or research but if you try to apply it to your life it really does not work so well. It causes a huge amount of pressure and does not go away until you do something about it.

It´s a deep feeling of being unsettled, something that cannot be solved and all we want to do is get rid of the pressure. When this pressure arises it´s accompanied by anxiety which will lead us to come up with some strategies that will make us feel better, or so we think.

We might go shopping, find someone to have sex with, drink too much alcohol, take drugs, watch TV, scream at someone…. anything that will release the anxiety and help us forget about the pressure. This strategy works for a while but eventually it will stop working…. Yeah I know I tried most of them.

Self-doubt is the name we give this physical sensation of mental pressure.

What would be a healthier way to release the pressure?

The first action would be to not take it personal….Not easy to do but you can practice it. If you can use self-doubt to question something, then it´s a creative action. If you take it personal it will turn into self-defeating, painful and paralyzing anxiety.

Talking about your self-doubt with a trusted friend to take it out of your head will help. Allow it to be there instead of resisting. The good thing is, that it always turns around and some answer or solution will show up.

Patience and Trust are required. Yes it´s no fun, but just looking at it from a different point of view will make it easier to bear. The worst you can do is to get into harmful action, which will not solve anything but make it worse. The key is not to act, not to suppress, but allow it to be there. Self-doubt is part of the logical mind and good for something, like scientific research and evaluating, but not a good tool to answer your own life questions.

The mind wants to ask questions, so try to experiment with curious, playful questions:

I wonder what will happen if?
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
I wonder where I will find the answer to this?
I wonder how this will work?

Next time when you get an attack of self-doubt try it and see how it goes. I use this practice all the time and it really helps. You just need a good dose of mindfulness to be aware of your mind-games. There is no certainty and if you can be with not knowing the answers your life will blossom and catapult you into the zone of wonders and flowing with life.

Happy practicing and if you want to share some tips about self-doubt please share your comment with us.

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-doubt

Hi my friend how are you? Finally the days are getting longer, the sun is warmer, the trees are budding and colorful flowers are popping up everywhere. Hooray it`s spring, it´s a new beginning.

I just spent some time in California my old home. When I arrived in Germany I was greeted with rain and very cold weather. It felt like being thrown from heaven into a dark cold place…. no I will not call it hell, my German friends would not like it J

Maybe the fowl weather propelled me into a deep trance of self-doubt and melancholy. Something happened…. my intuition lead me to a book by Richard Rudd called the Gene Keys. After being a student of human design for a few years I wanted to dive deeper into the material and look at it from a different point of view. I found this chapter about self-doubt fascinating and would like to share a few aspects.

I am not writing this to talk about human design or the Gene Keys and will not get into it deeper. It just was very helpful with my attack of self-doubt, which sometimes totally takes me out of the game for a while. I´m sure you can relate and if you struggle with self-doubt this information might be very helpful.

We might go shopping, find someone to have sex with, drink some alcohol, take some drugs, watch some TV, scream at someone…. anything that will release the anxiety and helps us forget about the pressure. This strategy works for a while but eventually it will stop. Yeah I know I tried most of them..

Self-doubt is the name we give this physical sensation of mental pressure.

What would be a healthier way to release the pressure?

The first action would be to not take it personal….Not easy to do but you can practice it. If you can use the self-doubt to neutrally question something, it´s a creative action. If you take it personal and it turns into anxiety it becomes self-defeating, painful and paralyzing.

Talk about your self-doubt with a trusted friend and take it out of your head into the open that helps too. Allow it to be there instead of resisting it you will be able to be with it. The good thing is, that it always turns around and some answer or solution will show up.

Patience and Trust are required. Yes it´s no fun, but just looking at it from a different view point will make it easier to bear. The worst you can do is get into harmful action, which will not solve anything but make it worse. The key is not to act, not to suppress, but allow it to be there. Self-doubt is part of the logical mind and good for something, like scientific research and questioning, but not so good to answer your own life questions.

It wants to ask questions, try to ask curious, playful questions like:

I wonder what will happen if
I wonder what this feeling is good for,
I wonder where I will find the answer to this
I wonder if this will work

Next time when you get attacked by self-doubt, try this strategy and see how it goes. I use this practice all the time and it really helps. You just need a good dose of mindfulness to be aware of what’s going on in your mind. There is no certainty and if you can be with not knowing the answers, your life will blossom and catapult you into the zone of wonders..

Happy practicing and if you want to share some tips about self-doubt please share your comment with us.

How to Grow Up When Over 50

how to grow up when over 50

How to grow up when over 50

Hello my friends, it took me a long time to write this post as I spent some time traveling. But here it is…. you might wonder about this strange title….

Normally people at 50 and over should be grown up… But guess what… there are many occasions when that is not the case, actually I would say that most “normal people “are emotionally immature, which is another way to say not grown up.

I know because it´s part of my story… So… why is that? I constantly meet new people in 12 step programs, personal development seminars, meditation courses and other events and places where people might go when they are not happy with themselves and or others.

Naturally there are many middle aged and older human beings over 50, who think of themselves as the eternal victims, children that have been harmed and adults that have been wronged. Yes, yes and mostly that is the truth…. but the problem is that if you always thinking of yourself as a victim, you are not willing to take responsibility for your own life and that is painful.

Through my own experience of feeling like a victim and you guessed right: I was around 50. That´s when I was ready to learn that I can only grow up and be content and fulfilled when I am willing to take responsibility for my life and stop complaining and blaming….ouch.

Blaming others for my misery and unhappyness, instead of leaving a situation that was not healthy for me, taking my life into my own hands and just moving on to pursue the things I was interested in.

Finally it happened and guess what, I was 50 and it was very hard. There might have been a softer way to do it, but the way I did it was very painful.

So painful that my therapist at the time begged me to go on antidepressants, because he was afraid I would harm myself…. Well for whatever reason, I needed to go through this pain and eventually got out of the dark into the light.

I totally changed my life, took up a new career that I loved, changed my environment. After a while I let go of toxic people whenever I could and limited contact with negative people as much as possible.

I still chose to have contact with some… like close family members, but in a detached way, accepting them the way they are and not expecting them to change.

It´s a process of letting go, accepting, learning and it feels good that way. I felt like the victim most of my life, but eventually when I understood that it´s not good for me.

The way I saw the world was different and oh my god it changed my life. Whenever I don´t like what others say or do, I always ask myself why it upsets me and normally I do the same thing myself.

So if you read this article and you feel like a victim, maybe try and accept things for what they are and find out what steps you can take to do things that are good for you. Look at your environment…

What is working?
What is not working?
Who is making you feel good?
Who is making you feel bad?
What´s a mess in your life?
What are you constantly complaining about?
What can you change?

The answers to all these questions will give you clues about your life. First you start with accepting the fact that it is whatever it is. Which does not mean you give up, it means that you accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can. In order to do this you have to get quiet enough that you can actually tell the difference try a simple meditation practice that will help you.

The next step is to find simple solutions to start eliminating the energy drains and messes from your life. Sometimes it´s hard to do this, it hurts people when you don´t want to spend time with them, but it will be worth it. If people drain your energy, limit exposure. Life is always changing and nothing will ever be the same.

Human beings have a hard time to accept this and want the opposite, to stay in their comfort zone and keep everything the same, but it´s actually outside of your comfort zone where a fulfilling life begins.

I would like to invite you to try it, move out of your comfort-zone into a new adventure, be willing to experiment, be grateful for whatever reasons you can find to be grateful for, it´s a simple practice that can change your energy in a second.

Oh and one more thing…observe your thinking and whenever you catch yourself thinking in a negative or mean way, just drop it and replace it with something that feels good.

Are you willing to try? I love to read your comments, please let me know your thoughts and how YOU take responsibility for your life, how do YOU change your energy?