change your life Archives - MaritaSteffe.com

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-Doubt

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-Doubt

Hi my friend how are you? Finally the days are getting longer, sunrays are warming up the air, trees are budding, birds are chirping and colourful flowers are popping up everywhere. Hooray it`s spring…. a new beginning.

I just spent some time in California, my old place of residency. When I arrived back in Germany I was greeted with rain and very cold weather. It felt like being thrown from heaven into a dark cold place…. no I will not call it hell, my German friends would not like it 🙂

Maybe the fowl weather propelled me into a deep trance of self-doubt and melancholy, but I sure tumbled into it. Something happened…. my intuition lead me to a book by Richard Rudd called the Gene Keys. After being a student of human design for a few years, I wanted to dive deeper into the material and look at it from a different point of view. I found this chapter about self-doubt fascinating and would like to share a few aspects.

I am not writing this to talk about human design or the Gene Keys and will not get into it deeper. It just helped me transform my attack of self-doubt, which sometimes totally takes me out of the game for a while. I´m sure you can relate and if you struggle with self-doubt this information might be very helpful.

Self-Doubt is born when you cannot relate with the wonder of your imagination and intuition and your focus is on logic and heavy thinking. Doubt can be very helpful in some aspects, like science or research but if you try to apply it to your life it really does not work so well. It causes a huge amount of pressure and does not go away until you do something about it.

It´s a deep feeling of being unsettled, something that cannot be solved and all we want to do is get rid of the pressure. When this pressure arises it´s accompanied by anxiety which will lead us to come up with some strategies that will make us feel better, or so we think.

We might go shopping, find someone to have sex with, drink too much alcohol, take drugs, watch TV, scream at someone…. anything that will release the anxiety and help us forget about the pressure. This strategy works for a while but eventually it will stop working…. Yeah I know I tried most of them.

Self-doubt is the name we give this physical sensation of mental pressure.

What would be a healthier way to release the pressure?

The first action would be to not take it personal….Not easy to do but you can practice it. If you can use self-doubt to question something, then it´s a creative action. If you take it personal it will turn into self-defeating, painful and paralyzing anxiety.

Talking about your self-doubt with a trusted friend to take it out of your head will help. Allow it to be there instead of resisting. The good thing is, that it always turns around and some answer or solution will show up.

Patience and Trust are required. Yes it´s no fun, but just looking at it from a different point of view will make it easier to bear. The worst you can do is to get into harmful action, which will not solve anything but make it worse. The key is not to act, not to suppress, but allow it to be there. Self-doubt is part of the logical mind and good for something, like scientific research and evaluating, but not a good tool to answer your own life questions.

The mind wants to ask questions, so try to experiment with curious, playful questions:

I wonder what will happen if?
What is this feeling trying to tell me?
I wonder where I will find the answer to this?
I wonder how this will work?

Next time when you get an attack of self-doubt try it and see how it goes. I use this practice all the time and it really helps. You just need a good dose of mindfulness to be aware of your mind-games. There is no certainty and if you can be with not knowing the answers your life will blossom and catapult you into the zone of wonders and flowing with life.

Happy practicing and if you want to share some tips about self-doubt please share your comment with us.

Simple Strategies to Transform Self-doubt

Hi my friend how are you? Finally the days are getting longer, the sun is warmer, the trees are budding and colorful flowers are popping up everywhere. Hooray it`s spring, it´s a new beginning.

I just spent some time in California my old home. When I arrived in Germany I was greeted with rain and very cold weather. It felt like being thrown from heaven into a dark cold place…. no I will not call it hell, my German friends would not like it J

Maybe the fowl weather propelled me into a deep trance of self-doubt and melancholy. Something happened…. my intuition lead me to a book by Richard Rudd called the Gene Keys. After being a student of human design for a few years I wanted to dive deeper into the material and look at it from a different point of view. I found this chapter about self-doubt fascinating and would like to share a few aspects.

I am not writing this to talk about human design or the Gene Keys and will not get into it deeper. It just was very helpful with my attack of self-doubt, which sometimes totally takes me out of the game for a while. I´m sure you can relate and if you struggle with self-doubt this information might be very helpful.

We might go shopping, find someone to have sex with, drink some alcohol, take some drugs, watch some TV, scream at someone…. anything that will release the anxiety and helps us forget about the pressure. This strategy works for a while but eventually it will stop. Yeah I know I tried most of them..

Self-doubt is the name we give this physical sensation of mental pressure.

What would be a healthier way to release the pressure?

The first action would be to not take it personal….Not easy to do but you can practice it. If you can use the self-doubt to neutrally question something, it´s a creative action. If you take it personal and it turns into anxiety it becomes self-defeating, painful and paralyzing.

Talk about your self-doubt with a trusted friend and take it out of your head into the open that helps too. Allow it to be there instead of resisting it you will be able to be with it. The good thing is, that it always turns around and some answer or solution will show up.

Patience and Trust are required. Yes it´s no fun, but just looking at it from a different view point will make it easier to bear. The worst you can do is get into harmful action, which will not solve anything but make it worse. The key is not to act, not to suppress, but allow it to be there. Self-doubt is part of the logical mind and good for something, like scientific research and questioning, but not so good to answer your own life questions.

It wants to ask questions, try to ask curious, playful questions like:

I wonder what will happen if
I wonder what this feeling is good for,
I wonder where I will find the answer to this
I wonder if this will work

Next time when you get attacked by self-doubt, try this strategy and see how it goes. I use this practice all the time and it really helps. You just need a good dose of mindfulness to be aware of what’s going on in your mind. There is no certainty and if you can be with not knowing the answers, your life will blossom and catapult you into the zone of wonders..

Happy practicing and if you want to share some tips about self-doubt please share your comment with us.

How to Grow Up When Over 50

how to grow up when over 50

How to grow up when over 50

Hello my friends, it took me a long time to write this post as I spent some time traveling. But here it is…. you might wonder about this strange title….

Normally people at 50 and over should be grown up… But guess what… there are many occasions when that is not the case, actually I would say that most “normal people “are emotionally immature, which is another way to say not grown up.

I know because it´s part of my story… So… why is that? I constantly meet new people in 12 step programs, personal development seminars, meditation courses and other events and places where people might go when they are not happy with themselves and or others.

Naturally there are many middle aged and older human beings over 50, who think of themselves as the eternal victims, children that have been harmed and adults that have been wronged. Yes, yes and mostly that is the truth…. but the problem is that if you always thinking of yourself as a victim, you are not willing to take responsibility for your own life and that is painful.

Through my own experience of feeling like a victim and you guessed right: I was around 50. That´s when I was ready to learn that I can only grow up and be content and fulfilled when I am willing to take responsibility for my life and stop complaining and blaming….ouch.

Blaming others for my misery and unhappyness, instead of leaving a situation that was not healthy for me, taking my life into my own hands and just moving on to pursue the things I was interested in.

Finally it happened and guess what, I was 50 and it was very hard. There might have been a softer way to do it, but the way I did it was very painful.

So painful that my therapist at the time begged me to go on antidepressants, because he was afraid I would harm myself…. Well for whatever reason, I needed to go through this pain and eventually got out of the dark into the light.

I totally changed my life, took up a new career that I loved, changed my environment. After a while I let go of toxic people whenever I could and limited contact with negative people as much as possible.

I still chose to have contact with some… like close family members, but in a detached way, accepting them the way they are and not expecting them to change.

It´s a process of letting go, accepting, learning and it feels good that way. I felt like the victim most of my life, but eventually when I understood that it´s not good for me.

The way I saw the world was different and oh my god it changed my life. Whenever I don´t like what others say or do, I always ask myself why it upsets me and normally I do the same thing myself.

So if you read this article and you feel like a victim, maybe try and accept things for what they are and find out what steps you can take to do things that are good for you. Look at your environment…

What is working?
What is not working?
Who is making you feel good?
Who is making you feel bad?
What´s a mess in your life?
What are you constantly complaining about?
What can you change?

The answers to all these questions will give you clues about your life. First you start with accepting the fact that it is whatever it is. Which does not mean you give up, it means that you accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can. In order to do this you have to get quiet enough that you can actually tell the difference try a simple meditation practice that will help you.

The next step is to find simple solutions to start eliminating the energy drains and messes from your life. Sometimes it´s hard to do this, it hurts people when you don´t want to spend time with them, but it will be worth it. If people drain your energy, limit exposure. Life is always changing and nothing will ever be the same.

Human beings have a hard time to accept this and want the opposite, to stay in their comfort zone and keep everything the same, but it´s actually outside of your comfort zone where a fulfilling life begins.

I would like to invite you to try it, move out of your comfort-zone into a new adventure, be willing to experiment, be grateful for whatever reasons you can find to be grateful for, it´s a simple practice that can change your energy in a second.

Oh and one more thing…observe your thinking and whenever you catch yourself thinking in a negative or mean way, just drop it and replace it with something that feels good.

Are you willing to try? I love to read your comments, please let me know your thoughts and how YOU take responsibility for your life, how do YOU change your energy?

Simple Strategy to Stick to New Years Resolutions

Simple Strategies to Stick to New Years Resolutions

Simple Strategies to Stick to New Years Resolutions

I hope you are in good spirits and excited about 2016. I sure am because… good things are coming. But now I have a thought or two about the famous New Year Resolutions.

Here we are again…it´s a few weeks into the New Year, the gym is packed, my favorite class is overcrowded… what happened? This phenomena happens every year, people create resolutions just to drop them 4 weeks later? It must be some kind of insanity as Albert Einstein stated in his quote 🙂

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result is the definition of insanity

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I don´t do this… but I´m aware of it. I think it´s kind of a herd thing….As soon as the end or the beginning of the year comes around and everybody creates New Year resolutions… I have to do it too.

Yeah it feels good….we have the best intentions until we decide otherwise and they are put on ice again until next year and then the same game starts again. Can you relate?

So what’s the problem?

New Year Resolutions normally reflect short-term thinking, or a quick fix, instead of having a long term plan, that’s why only a small percentage of those who make resolutions achieve their desired goals….Now that’s not a good success rate.

So is there a reason people don’t stick to their resolutions? Professionals’ answers are mixed. Some believe that many don´t have a strategy or someone to keep them accountable and support them to achieve these “goals“. But there is a way to empower yourself and stick to your new years resolutions.

Below are some strategies that will help you keep your resolutions Steven Covey, the author of “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People “ once said, “Some habits of ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix, short-term thinking.” This is how I feel about resolutions: As the CEO of a strategic marketing firm, my New Year’s Resolution is not to have one. As an individual, could I say that I plan to improve myself in 2016? I certainly strive for that on an on-going basis, but not that the start of each year. That too is a marathon, not a sprint.

Be clear with your goals:

If you want to be healthier what does that mean for you? Exercise, eat healthier foods? Meditate, work less? Let’s just ake the example of healthier foods.

What’s on the list of foods that’s not good for you?
Are you willing to find a healthier replacement?
Are you willing to change some habits?

The key is to make it work for YOU…when you make a shopping list please…. write down things that you like to eat, don’t write down spinach and whole grain noodles if you hate them. Make it a habit to write a grocery list, with healthy foods, that you like. If you have only chips, soft drinks and junk food at home it’s impossible to eat healthier.

Would you like to move more? Think about exercise that you would like to do, there must be something. Sometimes it’s easier to go for walks, go on a bike ride be in nature, or take fun classes, than to work on machines. Although I like the machines because I listen to interesting audios at the some time.

Keep track

What did you eat today?
What kind of exercise did you do?
What did you do that is good for you?

Try to do 3 things every day towards your goal, even small things. Write down how you exercised, or what you ate….. if we keep track of something it’s easier to manage. Just simply tracking how much you are….or aren’t…doing, will push you in the right direction. If you didn’t do well…please just forgive yourself and try again….make it an experiment, there is no fail there is only: I try again!!!

Be accountable to someone

This will motivate and inspire you, just tell someone you trust about your endeavour, work out with a trainer, take a class, do something with a friend or get a coach. Start a little accountability group where everybody can work on their own resolution, but you still watch out for each other’s goals. All this takes you out of your “alone zone” and it will be more motivating if you are not left to your own devices.

If you break your resolution today, try again tomorrow. Voltaire.

Do it one step at a time and forgive yourself if you think you didn’t do it right. Try again and again and again and again until eventually you will establish a new habit. New habits get easier, because after doing something for a while new neural pathways get established in the brain.

Lots of luck to YOU and I hope this article will help you a little bit, but no matter what…don’t give up. To finish this up, please remember to celebrate your successes whenever you made a little step towards your goal celebrate…Take yourself on a date, get your nails done, buy some chocolate, go to a nice café and have a cup of tea or coffee. Go to the spa, do something nice for you. Will ya 🙂

Talk to you next time 🙂

Coaching and Human Design Work Together

How Coaching and Human Design Work Together

Coaching and Human Design Work Together

How are you? I’m so happy that you are here. Today I would like to share something with you that has been a life-changer for me. Oh, before I forget I would like to wish you a very merry christmas and a happy new year.

My studies and training in personal development and coaching have been extensive and just when I thought I can stop learning for a while, my coach introduced me to Human Design.

He used it in our coaching sessions and I was amazed how it helped me move through some issues that held me back. So now you might want to know….

What is Human Design and how does it work with coaching?

Chetan Parkyn, a human design expert and author of several books on the subject explains it this way: We each have our own unique design — a blueprint of our individual nature. Yet, few of us live in accordance with our Design, because we don’t know what it is. Instead, we try to mold ourselves to the expectations of other people. (That´s where the problem starts)

So the key benefit to knowing your design is that once you know how your energies flow, what your strengths and weaknesses are, you can better work with them, accept your unique nature and be yourself. Of course it will make it easier to accept other people for who they are, too.

You will have access to some simple strategies on how to make decisions according to your type and how to interact with others. It will help you to know which relationships will be good for you and which will be complicated, then you can decide if you chose to hang out with the difficult ones or not.

It will also be beneficial to accept the fact that life is programmed and that your internal navigation system will guide you through it. Now this is a tough one to swallow for some people but for others it´s a relief. I am a fan of 12 step programs and a practitioner of mindfulness and I found that these 3 practices work together in total harmony.

This is about all I want to say about the system and if you would like to know more about it you will find great information at Human Design for us all and Human Design America. I also would like to let you know that I am not a human design expert nor offer professional readings, I simply use elements that have proven to be beneficial for me and my clients in my coaching.

Some practical examples how it works.

First I print out an interesting chart based on name, place, date and time of birth of a person which gives me a lot of information about certain energies in the human being. Some people do not like this, that`s ok, but for the ones who like self-discovery and want to know the truth of how they operate in the world, this is truly an amazing tool.

Let me give you some examples of how it has benefited me. One of my challenges is fluctuating self-worth, I never thought about it and just knew it was there but did not really know how to work with it.

So I learned that it`s not my nature but what I learned while growing up, because most parents and society do not support individuality, they try to mold little people to their standards. So it’s easy for a child to believe that they are not worth anything, they are not lovable, or they always feel that there is something wrong with them. These are called patterns of belief and survival patterns. These are also the internal energies that keep us stuck.
The other important insight was that my energy fluctuates and that it`s very important for my wellbeing to be aware of my energy and not force myself to do things when the energy is not there, but fully utilize it when it’s there. I have to be aware of my flow not only for me but for my environment, because when my energy is off I mess up your flow. So I have some responsibility 🙂
I have some energies that work as a catalyst for others, meaning that when people are around me or work with me….out of the blue they open up to stuck energies, now this might sound a bit weird, but I notice it more and more.
The last one I want to mention is a huge creative energy which has to be shared with the others. Most of my life I was very closed and did not share myself, but since I started my journey of self-discovery I started to open up and the more I open up and share my findings the more fulfilled I feel.
Oh, here is one more…I am all over the place that means I am jumping from one idea to the next one excitement to the next, one task to the next and I thought I have to be concentrated and do one thing at a time. Knowing this has opened up new opportunities because I can accept that my energies work like this, but I can also learn how to be effective when I`m all over the place.

This is it for now, I could go on forever, but I just wanted to give you a taste. This information has been life changing and I am forever grateful to my coach and trainer Dave Buck, CEO of Coachville to use Human Design in our coaching sessions.

Perfectionism Kills Dreams

Perfectionism Kills Dreams

Hello again…I'm so excited to share this post with you….I turned 60 this year and the older I get the less I'm interested in being perfect, the more I want to be playful and experimental. Why?…Because life is a lot more fun 🙂

Lately I've noticed again and again…. that so many people have very little joy in life and noticed that the common denominator is perfectionism: Focusing on chores, what we need to do, you know the annoying stuff like homework, shopping, cleaning, working, we beat ourselves up when we do something wrong, but rarely do we celebrate when we do something right 🙂

Even as adults…. it's still like this: Do your homework and then you can play. The weird thing is… now you say this to yourself, no teacher or parent required. Have you noticed this? Take a moment and ask yourself this question….are you one of them? do you do this? Just this little “awareness” can change your life.

Change your attitude, change your life.

So… how can you actually change your attitude?

Be aware of your thoughts
Be willing to experiment
Accept that new behavior feels uncomfortable.

Be aware of your thoughts

What are you actually thinking? Interesting question isn’t it. For a few minutes several times during the day…. watch your thoughts. Like an outsider, observer, be aware of what you think. Yes it’s simple but then it’s not….. try it and see what happens. Actually… why not write it down….take a journal and write down whatever pops into your mind. Do I hear you say: this is stupid??? maybe but it’s very interesting to know what’s going on in your mind, actually my mind too 🙂

For example it could look like this: I have to do the dishes, I really don’t like what so and so said yesterday, I am tired of doing this, why should I write down my thoughts, oh I forgot to buy toilet paper, this person doesn’t like me, I don’t want to do this, the potato soup was not good, it’s raining again, I don't know what to do…… It’s a mindfulness meditation to be aware of your thoughts.

This simple action step can change your life, if you chose to do it. Mindfulness Meditation is a great tool to help be more aware of your thoughts and feel yourself…. but it’s a process and won’t happen overnight.

Be willing to experiment.

I have to be perfect
I have to do this right
I will not do this because I have to do it perfectly

Oh man….. perfectionism is a killer, it kills creativity, aliveness, joy, It can make people sick and invites them to give up. Experimenting and being playful is the opposite of perfectionism. What you need is the willingness to play, to make mistakes and yes, you MUST be willing to fail. Kids have this kind of presence and willingness, they always experiment and play until …….they grow up.

I'm sure you heard the stories of famous people for example: Steven Spielberg was rejected from schools several times, Albert Einstein had a learning disorder, Thomas Edison was told by his teacher that he was too stupid to learn anything, Henry Ford failed at several businesses. There are many others who failed many times, some over years but they did not give up, they kept experimenting until eventually…. they succeeded.

By changing one simple thing, YOUR ATTITUDE, you can change your life. Try it out, set little experiments for yourself and just play and enjoy whatever you are doing.

Don’t try to do it right,
Don’t be serious
Don’t be attached to the outcome…..just play.

Now be aware of how it feels. Does it feel any different, are you experiencing more joy, is it more fun to do things… even if some things are not exactly fun? Watch yourself, write it down and keep experimenting and noticing. Get to know yourself, be your best friend.

Accept that new behaviour is uncomfortable

This is a tough one, but it's an important part of the new game…..why should I be doing something that is uncomfortable? We are creatures of habit, even if the habits are not good for us. Smoking for example can calm you down, but most people know that it can kill you.

To be a perfectionist feels comfortable… to experiment might not, even if it’s a lot healthier for you. Working too much is a habit and working less will feel very uncomfortable. Putting yourself down feels comfortable, celebrating what you do right might feel uncomfortable. Taking time off and just playing will feel uncomfortable but is actually a good thing…..and on it goes.

When you start doing new things it will feel weird and you have to know that this is normal and not be discouraged by it. This is why people abandon their dreams, it’s that important!!!! Write it on a poster or set a reminder on your phone, tatoo it on your hand, whatever will help you remember, just do it! I am doing new things and I am willing to play. I invite you to play to win 🙂

Leave a comment and let me know how it works for you. do you have any tricks you would like to share?

Make a Vision Board Work – Be Confident

Make a Vision Board Work – Be Confident

Hi my friends… Sometimes people tell me that they made a vision board, but nothing manifested….Frustrating, I get it…. sometimes it happens to people who do not have a lot of confidence. But the good news is that you can practice to believe in yourself.

Life can be great, life can be miserable and it’s up to you what you how you want to experience it. Now this is a tough statement, especially if you went through a lot of suffering in your life. But on the other hand it’s extremely powerful and a great way to transform and create a great life. It’s worth considering the concept!

Do you have doubts that you can be successful, that you can achieve your dreams and goals? Do you know that you can do certain exercises, to be more comfortable with the idea of being successful, confident and wonderful 🙂

Affirmations and power patterns are used in coaching and they are great, simple tools. You just repeat the same short sentence over and over again, like a mantra. You do this every day for at least 5 minutes, and also as a remedy when your limited thinking comes up.

Like… you know what: The little voice in your head that tells you all the bad things that can happen, that you can fail if you try, that you can’t do it any way, good things happen to other people and so on…That’s when you use the affirmation or the power pattern. I have many and I use them all, they work!

Use the opposite of your limiting belief, something that totally resonates with you. The key is to feel great when you hear yourself say the words. If your mind is telling you “you can’t do it”, you say: I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. If it is: “It’s too hard”, you say: I can do this with ease, I can do this with ease, I can do this with ease. Below are some more examples:

I am brilliant and confident
I am fit and in great health
I attract wonderful things
Money is flowing into my life from expected and unexpected sources
I attract all the right people into my life
I am getting better and and better every da
I am loved
Everything is working out perfectly
I trust the flow of life
Everything I need is coming to me
I am here to express my gift

This might sound too good to be true, but it is a simple exercise, that will help you to transform your inner critic to your best cheerleader. Just try it! It’s like a brainwash.

One other simple exercise is to not engage in negative thinking. This technique requires some mindfulness and presence, but if you are aware of the thoughts coming up, you can chose to not engage in them. Just let them go.

To manifest your vision, you have to belief that you are worth it to achieve your life aspirations. You want to look at the vision board as much as possible and feel the images on the board as your truth. You see it, you experience it, you vibrate it, you will draw it into your life. Indeed you will!

Feeling happy, successful, with a wonderful partner, a great career, a great team, wonderful friends and family relations. Driving the new car, on route to your dream destination. Dream big, go for the stars!

If you think you need more help: I use a powerful coaching method called “Inner Freedom,” to help people move through resistance and fear. Also, John Kehoe has a wonderful program called mindpower, it is very simple with easy step by step exercises. It is a truly life changing program.

But first just try the exercises…..Let me know if they work for you and if you have other tips, please share them in a comment.

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

How Turning 60 Can Be Fabulous

Hello my sweet friends….. How are you? I hope you are enjoying the warm balmy weather, I sure am and I'm so glad you are here, let me guess…. you must be close to turning 60 or just turned 60 or maybe close to the occasion?

How does that make you feel?

I turned 60 a few weeks ago…… There is a wide variety of feelings connected to aging, but no matter how you feel about it, you do not have a choice, like it or not, you can't change the fact. A few lucky "angels" find it easy, while it’s a visit into the abyss for others.

For some it’s the realization of….. oh my god, my skin is sagging, I hate those bumps… and the next action is to call a surgeon and get liposuction, a facelift, or maybe the famous breast lift….. Can you relate?

I can… it was a big decision to let my hair turn gray, which I had dyed blonde for 10 years. About 2 years ago I had enough of running away from age and of soaking chemicals into my skin. I asked my hairdresser for moral support, which he gracisously did….. so I got my hair cut very short and let it go gray over the course of six months.

It was a stretch, but now I love it. I wear a bit more makeup, more colorful clothes and fun jewelry.

Acceptance is such a huge help with anything in life….. have you heard the saying?

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” Carl Gustav Jung

The other difficult experience was….. when I noticed white patches all over my body and face…. I actually panicked. These spots were familiar to me, my mother and grandfather had them. It’s called vitiligo, a skin condition, where areas of the skin don’t pigment any more.

Not really that bad, but I freaked out, I thought…. oh my god I don’t want this, this can’t be true. Unfortunately my complaint and shock did not help. The fact is: I have it, it will not go away and there is no treatment.

When this sank in I started to be grateful, that it’s only that and not a life threatening disease. The next thought was ok, I better accept it, because the resistance of not wanting it was very painful and it made me feel insane, yes… like "ouch" 🙂

To minimize the contrast in skin color, I stay out of the sun, wear tinted sun lotion, a hat, long sleeves and it’s fine..

A friend of mine actually said, Marita you are beautiful with your spots, why do you think you have to be perfect, just love yourself the way you look and are. That was candy for my soul….. ( I love my friend) 🙂

Now of course….. looks are not the only thing that need to be adjusted. What about attitude? For me getting older means that I look at myself more closely and every day I ask myself a few questions.

Who do I want to be?
What’s most important?
What do I want to do in the world?
Who do I want to hang out with?
Is this really what I want?
Is this good for me?
What simple thing can I do to make this world a better place?

When I was still married, I used to be afraid of being alone…. now I love it. Somehow it just happened, the more I like myself the way I am, the more I enjoy my company. What am I doing different now?

I hang out with positive people,
I Do things I enjoy
Go on little adventures
Hang out with people who are positive and nourishing
Exercise and eat healthy food
Laugh a lot
Listen to my needs

I also noticed that it feels good to express my uniqueness instead of trying to fit into the small box of what others want me to be like….. So why not get a crazy haircut, a tattoo, or maybe wear some wild clothes? Why not……have deep conversation, even if most people don't understand it. Why not say that you can start a new life with 60, or finally live out your passsion. Why not???

Would you allow yourself to do that? Ask yourself the question: What is one thing that you always wanted to do? And then....would you allow yourself to do it?

Please let me know what’s helping you to accept reality, be happy, be grateful, age well and be fabulous, I love you sisters….. and I love to read your to read your comments 🙂

How to Recover From People Pleasing

How to Recover From People Pleasing

Hello my friends, I hope all is well in your world…. Lately I've been thinking about people pleasing and I wonder… what’s your thought on it? Are you trying to please people and do things that you do not really want to do and it makes you feel burnt out?

Below a quote by Jim Carrey

“Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.”

During the last 10 years, while going through a very tough time in my life, I started getting involved in Alanon and other personal development and transformational programs, where I came across a lot of people pleasers….. or very nice people who don't want want to be nice all the time.

To be perfectly honest, I am one myself, actually now I'm a “people pleaser in recovery”. The fact is that extensive people pleasing has cost me my self expression, self worth, creativity and my aliveness…. Not being true to myself has made me very resentful, passive aggressive and turned me into a martyr……..oh no.

The good news is that I was fortunate enough to be willing to learn about this habit, recognize it as a pattern, that has served me for a while and then I could set strategies in place to practice healthier ways of being and doing. Now… the good news….. anybody can do it!

Since then things have gotten a lot better…. Of course it’s a lifelong practice and these survival patterns don’t go away, but with awareness you can chose; Do you want to be authentic, or do you want to be a people pleaser. They say it takes about 21 days of practicing new behavior to change a pattern.

Simple examples of people pleasing.

Someone asks you….would you help me with this project? You have no desire to do so and no time, but you find yourself saying yes. Always saying yes, when you mean no.
Your boss asks you to work on the weekend and you don’t want to do it but you say yes.
Your friend wants to go to the movies with you, you are tired and don’t feel like it, but you say yes.
Someone is aggressive and instead of standing up for yourself, you say nothing to avoid conflict.
Always putting other people’s needs before yours. Manipulating a situation in order to be nice……ouch 🙂

In some cases, people pleasing is almost like an addiction, constantly needing to be needed.” This is a way to derive a fake sense of self worth, by constantly getting yourself into situations where you feel needed.

Can you relate to any of these points? If yes you might be a people pleaser. Human beings who are always sweet, nice and helpful, but inside they feel burnt out, resentful and taken advantage of. Yes, sometimes it gets so bad that you become sick and can’t function anymore. If you don't refill the well, it will dry out.

How to recover from people pleasing

Know yourself and be aware of your needs
Learn to ask for what you want
Set boundaries with others
Practice radical self care
Get into a support group and/or work with a coach
Journal about what's going on in your life

Know that this is a pattern that you started in childhood, it served you for a while, but at one point in life, it’s not working anymore. That’s the time to practice something new. It has been proven that by practicing new behavior, you can actually create new neural pathways in the brain.

Anything “new” feels uncomfortable, just like new shoes, you can just accept that and do it anyway, until it feels normal. Start on a new path, a life of freedom to express yourself and your needs. You can do it! If you need help ask for help, it’s easier and more fun with help.

PS. When I learned about human design, I discovered some very simple reasons why I react the way I react, how I can chose to accept certain things and with awareness… practice different behavior.

It has helped me find answers to some of the deep questions I had. For example, having an open solarplexus and heart center conditions me to question my self worth, by always thinking there is something wrong with me and the need to prove myself. Do you have that too sometimes?

I found out that I don't have to prove myself, it's just something that I learned growing up. Knowing that if I get to know and accept myself the way I am, I can enjoy peace and the freedom to express myself fully.

The process can be played like a game….Oh look what I discovered about myself….oh I just used a new pattern and it did not feel good but I did it…….

Just in case you would like to know what human design is: In short it's a system that helps you find out about who you are, your uniqueness in the world, your life path, how you can make the right decisions and the promise that if you live true to your design you will live a great life.

Are you ready for that? Try an exploratory session with me, it's my gift to you.

Click the contact tab and connect with me, or message me on facebook.

Now have fun with it and please let me know your thoughts, I love to connect with you.

What is Creativity Anyway?

What is Creativity Anyway?

Hi Marita here…. I came across this article by Ian Philips and found it very interesting. Working as a coach I noticed that one of the essential keys in order to live happy, peaceful, fulfilled lives is: to be authentic and express who YOU are. To express your creativity is a way of expressing your gift. Sounds very simple doesn't it? Well unfortunately it's not, but it can be practiced.

The question is: "What inspires you to create?" Using your creativity does not mean you have to be artists. "Every day" creativity is expressed when you cook, or talk, how you dress. It can be expressed through gardening or how you decorate your homes. Even sports can be a great way to express creativity and of course there are many more ways.

As long as you are immersed in the activity and find joy…………. you are creative…. the key is to dare to "be it and do it", it's a life purpose… Enjoy the article!

"Creativity is our gift from god, using it is our gift to god" Julia Cameron

Have you ever had the thought, "I'm not creative. I can't even draw a straight line"? If so, you're not alone. Many people think that there is some essential relationship between creativity and the ability to make art. If they can't paint like Picasso, sing like Josh Groban, or sculpt like Henry Moore, they don't dare claim to be creative. It feels like an arrogant thing to say about yourself, if you're not an expert, not making a living from your creations, not well-known and publicly acclaimed for your imaginative gifts.

Why, when creativity is our very birthright, do so few of us feel creative? Why, when we're asked to think of someone creative, do we rarely think about ourselves, but of the public figures that have defined creativity over the years? We think of Monet, Mozart, Jackson Pollack, Martha Graham, Ansel Adams, always the figureheads, when the real truth is that every one of us is a born creator. That's the hallmark of being human: the ability to create, to turn something invisible into something visible, to forge a poem out of a feeling or a song out of a sorrow.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, says that creativity doesn't happen in our heads but in the interaction between our imagination and our social context. It's a matter of experience and response, a matter of relationship to others and a commentary on the significance of our encounters. Creativity is the vivid expression of who we are in the world–our imagination begets our thoughts, our thoughts beget our words, our words beget our actions, our actions beget our experience, our collective experience and expression begets our culture. Each of us is contributing to the creation of the cultures we participate in.

The world is not divided into two groups of the creative and the uncreative. If there's a distinction, it's between those who are creatively productive and those with unexpressed potential. We're creative by default. We're genetically predisposed to create. Each of us, to varying degrees, is intrinsically motivated to create, to be original and to solve challenging problems. The question to ask is not, "Am I creative?" but rather, "What inspires me to create?"

Personal creativity is not about intelligence or information. It's about inspiration, from the Latin spiritus, meaning "breath, courage, the soul." Creativity is about being fully alive, living courageously, or as the painter Joan Miro´ says, "Expressing with precision all the gold sparks the soul gives off." When is the last time you felt fully alive? What is it that calls forth your courage and trumps your fear of sharing your soul? Knowing this is the key to discovering the creativity that is waiting to be expressed through you.alive, living courageously, or as the painter Joan Miro´ says, "Expressing with precision all the gold sparks the soul gives off." When is the last time you felt fully alive? What is it that calls forth your courage and trumps your fear of sharing your soul? Knowing this is the key to discovering the creativity that is waiting to be expressed through you.

…….I hope this article was useful. Now I will inspire you to use some very basic tools to get into the creative zone.

Morning pages are a great meditation and very simple, all you do is: write 3 pages freestyle, whatever comes up and do this every morning. The only rule is not to think and not to edit. It's a way of getting all the rubbish out of your head, that prevents you from doing what you love to do.

Here is a sample of my morning pages: I hear the birds singing, oh I forgot to buy coffee, this woman really bothered me, I cannot believe she said that. Oh my god I don't want to judge people, but I don't care, I think I need another cup of coffee, I can write what I want. Somehow my nose is itching, this is such a beautiful song on the radio, I feel like dancing, it reminds of when I was on one of my beach walks………The beach is so beautiful, I miss the beach, I should have gone to the beach more often. Sometimes I like to write………….there is a big pile of stuff on my desk, why do I get so messy, oh well, right now I just write.

Try it, it's one of my favorite practices, I get addicted to it…

How do YOU express your creativity? Please leave a comment, it's always great to hear what YOU have to say.

What Makes You Come Alive?

What Makes You Come Alive?

Hello my friends, I hope your holidays were peaceful and nourishing and that 2015 will be a great year for YOU all. I would like to start my new blog series with my favorite question: What makes you come alive, or in simple words: what gives you great, vibrating positive energy?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

Oh, what a fascinating question. How do you feel when you hear it? Did anybody ask you this question before?

Does it irritate you?
Does it inspire you?
What else do you feel?

Just to be honest: if anybody would have asked me this question 10 years ago, it would have irritated me. In those days I had very little awareness and would have translated it with: am I still breathing? What a stupid thing to ask? Hmmm, yes that was me then 🙂

Now I get excited and I want to mention all the beautiful things that make me come alive. Deep meaningful conversations, helping other people believe that they actually can change and live their dreams. Help someone to be open to see their own greatness and to own their own value.

Sharing insights that inspire others, to know that there is always the possibility of a wonderful life. Knowing that most limitations are self made and can be overcome.

I love it when I can support people to take care of themselves by eating healthy foods, being mindful, excercising, enjoying nature. I love to hang out with like minded people where I get support and inspirations.

Wait there is more: going on little adventures, even when it's just a new hike or I explore some new areas with my bicycle. I get excited when I do something different, learn something interesting, take a new class, meet someone new.

Feeling alive, is enjoying the simple things in life, expressing ourselves, being creative, being playful……. just for the heck of it!

Now let's explore what drains energy.

For me the biggest energy drain is negativity, it totally zapps me, being around gossip is bad for me too, just like judging others or being judged. Tiredness and being around uptight people who don't understand me is bad too.

When I don't get fresh air and can't exercise it drains me, when I am dishonest or get angry it drains my energy, noise and negative news ………..Well I'm sure the list goes on but I will stop here. If you come up with other goodies please share them with us.

So what makes you come alive? Please leave a comment to share with others.

PS: Don't wait to do all these good things until you retire, start NOW.

English is not my first language please forgive twisted grammar and misspelled words 🙂