Letting Go Family Secrets
Do you have any? To be honest I did not think I had them, but eventually I realized I had to accept them and let them go, one secret at a time.
Up until 10 years ago I thought my life was great. I lived in one of the most beautiful parts of the world. We owned a nice house with a huge garden and had 2 beautiful, healthy kids. The beach was our playground, we had good friends and we were creative. My husband worked in special effects and I had a successful business, so it all looked pretty good.
Sounds great, yes? Well not so great, because underneath it all, addiction brewed. My ex is a brilliant artist, inventor and a good human being, but his binge drinking affected me, and the kids. I had to drink myself, just to be able to put up with the craziness.
When my kids turned into teenagers, they became more and more defiant and difficult. The more they distanced themselves from us the worse our family life became. The family dynamic was toxic. I was in constant reaction to my kids and my husband, while trying to manage a household and a demanding business. I turned into a “bitch.” Actually I could not stand myself, trying to control and manage everything, and everybody around me.
After doing this dance for a while my husband added more drugs to the mix and other addictions surfaced which I am not willing to expose at this time. My life was hell, my kids were getting worse and after my son spent a day in jail because of smoking pot. I decided to enlist the service of a therapist to help me fix the broken people in my life.
Well little did I know when I found out that I was also a broken “piece”. My therapist was an addiction specialist and a strong believer in 12 step programs. He pretty much forced me into Alanon. The man has saved my life. One step at a time I would not change the “others”, but myself.
Unfortunately part of the process was that I had to accept my denial, considering the possibility that I could not change my husband’s behavior. It took a long time and I wanted to try it one more time, but something inside of me knew it’s an illusion and insisted to stay on course and slowly let go of my marriage of 30 years.
It was hard for all of us, but I was hoping that it would be the best for the kids to know that it’s not good for a woman to stay in an unhealthy relationship. My kids were supportive in some ways and not so supportive in other ways. They were angry that the home was gone, that I was changing and was not willing to enable them anymore.
All this took me on a journey to find my power and to believe in the possibility of a new life, where I would give myself the love I deserved and not try to get it from other people.
It has been a great journey and lots of things changed and are still changing. The best is that I found my power and am willing to do whatever it takes to live an authentic life, to feel good, to express myself, to listen to my intuition and to inspire others to do the same.
“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” Nora Ephron
What are your thoughts?