How We Can Accept Getting Old
Can you do it or can't you do it? This is a very personal subject for most women and there are many different ideas about aging. Some people like the approach of denial and postponing the visual effects of aging with facelifts, all kinds of surgeries and treatment, which is totally fine.
But eventually there is no escape and as my every day practice in life is acceptance, I thought for myself it would be a good idea to come to terms with some of the effects of aging, like gray hair, white patches, dark spots and I hate to say it: sagging skin 🙂
"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." George Burns
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At 48 I started dying my hair to cover the gray. That was 10 years ago, a long time of applying toxic dye to my head. Last Year I let my hair turn gray. Every time I got it cut, more gray showed and after my last cut today, I am proud to say that my hair is all gray.
The other part to accept was: last summer I discovered white patches on my throat and my face, oh no I thought, now I got this too. The patches of white graced my grandfather and my mother's skin. For a while I was in denial and hoped it would disappear and I would be spared, but I wasn't.
It's called vitiligo and there is no cure, it's a skin disease, that prevents parts of the skin from building pigments. Well, I thought to myself, I can start screaming, resisting and getting upset about it. But it was not an option because I knew it would not help.
So I decided to let go of the way I thought I should look like and move towards accepting the facts that I could not change. I started looking for solutions instead of focussing on the problem. I knew I had to stay out of the sun and apply sun lotion, to keep my skin as light as possible.
The motto is to love and accept myself just the way I am, its a practice. It also helps to have routines to stay in good shape, be healthy and keep the mind sane. To live a balanced life brings happiness!
Here are some tips that will help you achieve this.
- Exercise,
- Walk in fresh air
- Pilates
- Yoga,
- Meditation
- Healthy diet, lot's of vegetable and fruits
- Have fun
- Get together with other women who go through the same,
- Attend women's comedy shows, where you can laugh about these facts.
Color is helpful, to look younger and wear some fun jewelry. It also is helpful to add a little more make up. Colored scarves or bands are fun to wear and give more life to gray hair. Just get inspired and be creative with outfits and color.
Sometimes it's ok to allow yourself cake, chocolate, french fries, or whatever it is you crave. The little child inside of us needs a little treat, a hug and lot's of love in order to cooperate when we need to be diciplined. Our western culture is crazy, the model of beauty is hard to preserve, so no wonder it's hard to be different and not fit into the beauty model anymore. I can't even imagine what it's like to be single and trying to find a partner.
I knew a woman in California who was beautiful but on the heavy side, she told us that she could not find a partner. She would travel to Italy, because Italian men like women who look like women, with curves, not skinny creatures. This is interesting isn't it, do you remember the days when women in Africa were worth their weight in gold?
Here's a little story to finish up: When I complained to one of my friends about the white patches, she said: But Marita, I think it's beautiful, blemishes are beautiful, it's what sets us apart from others. What a beautiful unexpected response, I never thought about blemishes this way. It was great to hear. So please, make sure that you balance your life, take care of your needs and be happy with who YOU are.
I noticed that ost of my readers are women over 40, so I would love to hear how YOU accept, or not accept the signs of aging. Please leave a comment at the end.
I remember when I first noticed myself looking different as in older. I have skin moles on both sides of my face and their has been some sagging in my breast area though I am not heavily endowed at all. I asked my daughter who is a military graduate how does one measure the aging process and she said in the service they taught them that a person shows drastic changes every 10 years and for me to look at a photo and I did and I was like wow. Even so for me taking care of myself, eating the right foods, getting some exercise, finding clothing that is not too outdated (I like dateless clothing) and doing the things which make me feel good about me, one of them being able to minister to hurting women and the other is having an opportunity on occasion to do something special for myself to help me feel better about self.
Thanks for your comment, Barb. Yes it hits all of us. The key is to have fun, enjoy life and love ourselves the way we are.
grow old gracefully and as naturally as possible..i am white haired and color it with crazy colors every month x i have so much fun i experiment with the colors ..its fun and brings out your creative side..well it has mine x. i am lilac this week xx
I love your creative haircoloring, I thought about getting some fun tatoos around my white spots.
Guten Tag 🙂
I thought you were my age actually by looking at the photo of you. I am 43 going on 44… I can see that my body is changing; moving around its shapes a little here and there. Luckily I was born skinny so I can eat what I want (so to speak, I'm gluten intolerant) but to me health is the most important thing so I eat healthy simply because it makes me feel better in many ways. Changing products from regular to biological, ecological instead made wonders for my skin. I don't color my hair anymore either to cover my gray strands. In fact I think they show less of a contrast to my regular color than dyed. I think that when we feel approved by ourselves, as in living according to our own values and taking care of what we have with gratitude, our outer appearance also becomes beautiful. Trust that you are!
Thanks for your comment Alexandra, after I got divorced and started to like myself, i looked 10 years younger, thanks for noticing 🙂
Growing older is a part of Life, if we are lucky. As the saying goes, it beats the alternative. As long as we are still here on earth, we may as well try to go with the flow and keep on going. Things will become harder for some. A lucky few will age gracefully, with strength of body and mind fully in tact. Health is the primary factor in this, and, sometimes, how much we have invested into ourselves in terms of proper self care. I believe it is more about the internal body and mind connection than about hair color or make up. As long as we can keep on keeping on as we age, bring message and meaning to others, and share some of what we've learned over the years, we can still feel vital, significant and valuable. We all want to feel that we matter, that our being here makes a difference to someone else. It is important to stay true to who we are as individuals. Part of aging is passing on our knowledge, skills, values to younger generations. We want to leave a legacy. So, exercise, eat healthy meals and snacks, surround ourselves with a social support group, get a good night's sleep, learn new things to keep the brain forming new connections, and pray or hope that you are fortunate enough not to get some dread, incurable, disabling dis-ease!
Thanks for your comment, I share your toughts.
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Thank you for writing this! I need some help with this sometimes.
You asked for comment about how aging is accepted or not. Not only do I accept my aging process; I embrace it. Aging makes be better. My greatest strength lies in believing in myself and learning something new each day. My first fifty years were unhappy, and I've grown past that. I decided almost a decade ago that my second fifty will be wonderful; I've earned it. I suffered many illnesses and traumas; now I get to enjoy life. Searching for the "whys" of life led me to discover joy. It's why we were put on this planet: to enjoy it. I've found goodness inside me; yoga and meditation revealed goddess-like qualities that I never before realized. Proper diet and exercise help, and a strong mind power me through. I pray often, asking for guidance. I now teach kindergarten which has boosted my love of life immensely. The path to this kindergarten classroom, like so much of my life, was not self-guided; I'm certified to teach high school English. I'm grateful each day for the gifts I continue to receive. I'm happily single with a wide circle of close friends of both genders and all ages. I color my hair and wear makeup. I enjoy not looking my age because I can, not because I'm fighting it. I wear vibrant colors and silk scarves of every hue. I play team sports, volleyball and softball. I may take up bowling this year. I put in gardens when and where I can.
Thanks for your request and for reminding me how much I enjoy my life.
Thank you so much for your comment, JoAnne. It looks like we have something in common. I was unhappy too, until I hit my 50s, that’s when I found myself and actually started enjoying my own company.
Thanks for writing this article. I, too, had a tough time accepting that I was getting older. I always looked 15 to 20 years younger but after an accident and my mother passing, I started to notice that I was losing my hair. The same hair that was always been very curly, thick and shiny. After fussing over it and trying different products, I decided to stop coloring it, cut it short, and only use natural products on it. It took about 5-6 months to grow out and about a year to get used to the fact that I had I full head of silver hair! All of a sudden I felt as though I had aged 10 years but my 92 year old aunt told me that "just because your hair is silver doesn't mean that you are old. Your face and neck and your healthy body show that you are younger. Remember, many people go gray at a young age. So forget about it and walk tall. You are beautiful!" I remember that everyday and now I love the way my hair looks. And each new wrinkle that I notice, I just smile and say to myself that I've earned it. As you can see, I'm happy with myself and wouldn't want to change a thing.
Hi Sharon, thank you so much for your wonderful comment. It’s great to know how we all struglle and cope in different ways. You have a wonderful aunt and I agree that tha empowerment is on accepting us the way we are!